When you’re a young teenager, sex is one subject that occupies much attention and speculation. You are likely to have friends or classmates who talk about how they’re having sex but often they are simply exaggerating what they have experienced physically. Peer pressure is enormous at this age and you might feel you are expected to go further than you want in a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But remember only you can decide what you want and when you want to do it. Whether you’re a boy-girl couple or in a same-sex relationship, the questions, fears and apprehension about the next physical step remain the same.
Ask yourself if you are emotionally ready to share such an intimate thing? Do you understand the potential consequences of sex, for example, using contraception to protect yourself against pregnancy and condoms to reduce the risk of contracting a sexually-transmitted infection (STI)?
Sometimes a relationship can seem to be moving too fast and too far. You should always feel you can say no and call a halt to any physical encounters that step over the boundaries you are comfortable with. Trust is essential – ask yourself if you trust your partner or are you worried you’re only being used.
To coin a phrase, it’s good to talk. Talking about sex, particularly with parents or adults such as teachers or counsellors, can be embarrassing but red faces all around while you have a frank discussion that answers some of your questions has to be a million times better than an even more excruciating talk about a possible pregnancy.
And if, having talked things over and worked out that this is the right time for your first sexual experience, you should also feel comfortable in establishing certain ground rules. One of those has to be around contraception – condoms will protect both of you against STIs such as Chlamydia and reduce the risk of an unwanted pregnancy. It’s also important to be clear that if you change your mind and say no, no matter at what stage, that your partner will accept your decision.
It’s entirely natural to be apprehensive and nervous about a first sexual encounter. Some people will use drugs or alcohol to give them Dutch courage or lower their inhibitions and may end up regretting their actions later. Often this is because they failed to use contraception because they were drunk.
If you think you will need a stimulant to make you want to have sex, you might not be ready to take this step.