According to Tom Blake, a California resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating, he receives an email, almost weekly, from women who don’t date much because men are intimidated by their beauty, intelligence and confidence. However, Tom argues that men are never intimidated by a woman’s good qualities – why on earth would they be?
Tom cites the views of one of his readers, Maria, aged 68, who said, ‘When we are happy with ourselves, we won’t see the need to change who we are by thinking that men are intimidated by intelligent, confident and attractive women. I don’t think most men are intimidated, but find women of this nature to be more interesting. Don’t cut yourself short ladies, just to fit an image you think men have. Be authentic.’
Tom explains that men simply don’t get intimidated by a woman with amazing qualities, in fact, some will only date women with who possess them. According to Tom, ‘Women who believe they intimidate quality men because of their intelligence, confidence and beauty are kidding themselves. Quality men appreciate those characteristics and other qualities such as kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness as well. Men I know do not look for women they can manipulate. They look for women who are equals.’
Maria adds, ‘I live in California and as a New England-raised person, find men in California different in their outlook, and yes, their tendencies to want someone 10 or more years younger. But I also think they are not all bad and a lot of men do look for women their own age. If we hold the negative frame of mind that there are no good men here, that’s who we will attract, all the bad guys, like a magnet.’ Maria notes that the reason she attracted “bad guys” was ‘me and my negative attitude; I realised I had subconsciously put up a “no vacancy” sign. I’m waking up now, changing my attitude to a more open frame-of-mind and trying to figure out how to get to know men again with my confidence intact. There are plenty of high-energy, spiritual men around who are older.’