There are certain misconceptions about women’s sexuality and desirability after a “certain age” which can put you right off sex altogether. Maybe the media is to blame for perpetuating the myth, or maybe it’s our own insecurities, but Maureen McGrath, RN, a sexual health educator and radio host, notes, ‘We silently believe that only young people have sex.’ However, this is simply not the case, so let’s dispel some of the myths that are getting in the way of your sex life.
Some people believe you just don’t need sex as you get older. Yes, it’s not as necessary to your wellbeing as, say, food or oxygen, but that doesn’t mean you need sex any less than anything else that might bring you joy or better wellness. According to Carmella Sebastian, MD, women’s wellness and sexuality expert, ‘Sex gets blood flowing, which brings nutrients to all parts of your body and eliminates waste. Heart pumping, deep breathing—it’s all good for you.’
If you think those extra pounds make you undesirable, think again. McGrath urges, ‘You can have inner confidence at any weight.’ Bobbi Palmer, founder and CEO of Date Like a Grownup, adds, ‘Your lumps, bumps and wrinkles mean nothing to 99% of men over 40. What you lack in firmness you more than make up in humour, compassion and experience. Plus, you know your body better than you ever did in your 20s.’ What’s sexier to a man than a woman who knows what she wants in bed?
But surely your body isn’t sexual once you enter perimenopause? Dr Sebastian says that a changing body is still a sexual body, and recognizing that fact is important. McGrath advises that you consult your doctor about possible hormonal remedies to boost your energy levels, noting that lubricants or even the act of sex itself can help with dryness. ‘When blood goes to the genitals, the tissues remain healthy,’ she says, which encourages natural lubrication. McGrath also suggests that you can use this time to experiment: ‘Introduce a vibrator, experiment with self-stimulation, try new positions.’ You might learn a few exciting new tricks along the way – what have you got to lose?