Managing Change in Relationships

‘Change Management’ is usually a term we hear in business, referring to the process of helping colleagues or employees through a time of change. But change management can be a useful tool in our personal relationships too. 

There are lots of times in life when we go through big changes. It could be moving house, a change of job, or the breakdown of a marriage but whenever we make changes in our own lives, it inevitably impacts our loved-ones too. 

It’s natural for people to be worried about change and you may find that those close to you are not happy to hear about your proposed life changes. From breaking the news of a marriage breakdown to discussing a change of career, your loved ones might be upset about the changes that you are suggesting.

However, there are several strategies you can use to make change less threatening for family, friends or colleagues. Here are our tips for managing change in relationships:

Avoid Bombshells
If you’re considering a big life-change, it’s likely to be something you’ve been thinking about for a while and you’ll have had chance to work through any worries you might have about the change. But remember, when you break the news to your loved ones, it might come as a surprise. So rather than making a shock announcement, try introduce the subject more gradually. For example, instead of telling the kids that you’ve put the house on the market, let them get used to the idea of moving by talking about the benefits of a new home.

Pick your Moment
Bringing up the subject of change often leads to lengthy discussions. For example, if you’re planning to hand your notice in at work, your partner is likely to want to know what the financial implications will be for your relationship. So always bring the subject up at a time when you can discuss the matter calmly without distractions. 

Be Prepared to Compromise
Perhaps you want to make changes to your circumstances because you’re not completely happy with your life at the moment. But remember the feelings and happiness of those around you are important too. You might have a burning desire to move to the other side of the country – but how will that impact on the rest of your family? If your loved ones aren’t prepared to make the change with you, you might need to find a compromise. 

Give them Time to Think
When confronted with the thought of change, many people become defensive or try to argue the case for maintaining the status quo. Now isn’t the time to argue. Let your loved ones think about your suggestions for a few days and once the shock of the idea has worn off, you might find that they are more receptive to change than you first thought.

Provide Reassurance
A big life change can often seem like a threat to relationships so be ready to provide support to your loved ones. It may mean reassuring your kids that they will still have a strong relationship with both parents following a divorce. Or it may mean reassuring your partner that you’ll still be there for them even though you are taking more time to focus on your career.