Many people say they struggle to make a conversation. They are just too awkward, can’t think of things to say, they fear uncomfortable silences, or they have trouble handling certain types of conversation.
If you feel that talking to others socially is an emotional nightmare, here’s what you can do:
Decide on what needs work: What are the aspects of the conversation that you wish to work on? Do you want to be able to make a smooth small talk, be able to converse easily with strangers at formal events? Do you want to be able gel better at informal group evenings where you can goof around without feeling self-conscious or silly? Do you wish that you could reveal your innermost feelings safely to those close to you? Is it a one-on-one effective conversation that you have in mind? You may want to start on the closest to your comfort level. All of the above goals may not be equally important. Start with the easier ones or then the one, which is high on your list of priorities.
Step back and relook: Step back mentally and look for what exactly it is that is holding you back. Is it a bitter past experience? Is it a feeling of social inadequacy, which doesn’t really have a reason? Many times unhealthy social habits or attitudes can have a negative impact on the way you interact with people. Also relook at yourself. Do you have enough experience of life to be able to contribute to a social situation?
Start off with neutral topics: Start off with topics, which do not require strong responses by another or may attract a group’s attention to you. It may overwhelm you to be a centre of attention if you are socially awkward. Neutral topics of discussion always elicit an equally harmonious, non-threatening or non-overwhelming response.
Develop listening skills: A good conversationalist also needs to be a good listener. Develop your listening skills. Listening is not the same as hearing. Listening requires focus, how something is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages. Like a wise quotation goes, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.”
Give feedback: Give timely feedback. Even the smallest feedback from you encourages further communication from the speaker and facilitates smooth and easy conversation. Also be open to feedback from others when you speak. Conversation, after all, is a two-way process.
Develop the art of a good question: Ask questions. This will encourage others to elaborate of their topic of conversation. If you find it difficult to ask appropriate questions, mull over the information shared with you instead of reacting instantly to it and then put forth your query.
Be patient: Understand that being a good social conversationalist is a work in progress. It will take a fair amount of time to develop your conversation skills. Some aspects of it might be easier than others. As you become more comfortable, practice conversation in situations that were hitherto off the limits for you.
Building good relationships with other people can greatly reduce stress and anxiety in life. In fact, improving one’s social support is linked to better emotional health. Communication skills are the key to developing and keeping friendships and to building a strong social support network. They also help you take care of your own needs, while being respectful of the needs of others. People aren’t born with good communication skills; like any other skill, they are learned through trial and error and repeated practice. But practice makes us perfect. Don’t be surprised if some day you are described as the life of the party!