Good sex is not only an important part of your sexual health, but your overall wellbeing. However, before you crack out your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, there’s a much more effective way of boosting your sex life; enhancing the emotional intimacy in your sexual relationship.
According to Dr. Marty Klein, Certified Sex Therapist and award-winning author of Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex, and How to Get It, ‘As a therapist, I think of intimacy as your willingness to be yourself — to be vulnerable — without attempting to shape your partner’s opinion of you. That kind of honesty, trust, self-acceptance and courage can translate into great sex. Intimacy involves the reciprocal acceptance of each other, despite any faults or insecurities either of you may have. In fact, intimacy is a kind of meditation: we’re committed to the cycle of getting to know another person, working hard not to judge him/her, and ultimately accepting and even appreciating him/her.’
Dr Klein has outlined his main tips for enhancing your intimacy wellness in the bedroom:
- Focus on creating a close, passionate experience. People – not body parts – create great sex. If you focus too too much on your own body, it takes away attention from your partner. Dr Klein says, ‘Do you want to feel attractive, graceful, close, relaxed? Focus on these feelings, let your partner know this is what you want and try to evoke those feelings.’
- Stay connected to your partner. You can be tempted to withdraw in disappointment when things don’t go the way you want them to, but no matter what unexpected or unwanted event happens in bed, withdrawal will never make it better. Dr Klein advises, ‘If you need reassurance at a particularly awkward time, ask for it…Give your partner a little credit for having compassion and a sense of humour.’
- Communicate with more than words. Your facial expression and tone of voice do matter in the bedroom. Dr Klein explains, ‘We are social animals — we need to see, hear and smell each other in order to feel connected. During sex, keep your eyes open. Let your partner know, “I’m glad we’re doing this.” Ask your partner “Do you like it better this way or that way?” If you like what’s happening — smile.’