According to new research published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, your first time having sex may set the tone for the rest of your sexual life. When the researchers interviewed 331 men and women about losing their virginity and their current sex lives, those who had a positive first-time experience has better sexual health, in terms of emotional and physical satisfaction, later on in life. But does this mean your sexual wellbeing is forever determined by your first awkward fumble?
‘First-time sex for anybody can go wrong,’ explains Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist and the author of Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. However, there are steps you can take to make sure your first time with a new partner won’t be a disaster. For example, if you’re concerned you may not last long enough, Brame notes ‘masturbating before the date can help take the edge off.’ This helps to stop your body from becoming overly excited and raging with hormones, and instead puts you in control.
Brame also advises taking your time; even though you may be ready to romp after a few minutes of foreplay, she may not be there yet. Before you go for a home-run, stop at all the bases. Brame recommends beginning with kissing her mouth, then kissing down her neckline, past her breasts, and down her stomach to her inner thighs – exploring her breasts with your hands in the meantime. ‘Take time to focus on her nipples with your fingers and tongue,’ she says. ‘Don’t just assume she wants you to thrust inside her.’ Good sex is all about communication, so pause to ask her what she wants you to do next.
Finally, if you’ve had previous partners, that doesn’t mean that the same moves and techniques will work the same way. Brame notes, ‘Every new person requires new exploration,’ and will have different preferences when it comes to technique, speed, and foreplay, among many other factors. Also, she won’t exactly be thrilled if sex with her is exactly the same for you as it was with your ex. Again, remember to communicate and take it slow – you may develop some new moves that put those tired old techniques to shame.