After you’ve been in a relationship for a while, your sexual wellness tends to wilt. However, not having sex shouldn’t be a “normal” part of life; it’s a real sexual health issue. It’s never time to give up on sex, so let’s look at why you’re not getting any.
1. Your bedroom is more “boardroom” than “boudoir”.
Your bed is a sacred place, reserved for the two greatest things in life; sex and sleep. So how are you going to get in the mood if you’re typing away on your laptop while your partner reads the newspaper? Anita H. Clayton, MD, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Virginia and author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy, recommends making the bedroom a no-technology zone, and giving sex the priority it deserves – even if it means scheduling it in!
2. Your medications are sapping your sex drive.
If you take oral contraceptives (OCs) so you can have worry-free sex, the oestrogen content of those magic little pills might be lowering your libido, says Michael Krychman, MD, medical director of sexual medicine at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, California. Other medications, such as antidepressants and those that reduce blood pressure, anxiety and acid reflux, may also stall your sex drive, so talk to your GP about the sexual side effects of all of your drugs, and consider alternatives.
3. You’re too busy.
Not only are you trying to cram a 30-hour day into 12, but the chronic stresses of modern life can also take its toll on your sexual wellbeing, triggering a cascade of hormonal changes that mess with your body’s sexual-response cycle. Sex therapist Linda De Villers, PhD, advises taking a soothing bath with a few drops of ylang-ylang essential oil. This allows you to shift out of that busy mindset, take a break from technology and get those sexual feelings heightened with that arousing aroma.
4. You don’t want to get your body out.
According to Clayton, ‘Emotionally, we’ve bought into the media’s idealisation of what is really sexy. The message is; you have to look a certain way in order to have really good sex.’ However, De Villers argues, ‘Women have a talent for disliking the very things about themselves that other people find very attractive.’ So ask your partner what he likes about your body – chances are he’s going gaga over the very part of you that you’re trying to hide.