Fear is a funny thing. While some of us can’t “do heights” or public speaking, others find their emotional health and wellness shaken by garlic or the colour yellow (don’t believe me? They’re known as alliumphobia and xanthophobia, respectively). Still, regardless of the things that actually get your teeth chattering and your knees knocking, there are ways you can protect your wellbeing against fear and anxiety.
1. Have a break: When you’re flooded with fear, stopping for a little break can help to reduce your racing heart rate, sweaty palms and feelings of panic and confusion. This is because these symptoms are often the result of adrenalin, so you need to physically calm down before your emotions can follow. Take 15 minutes and go for a walk around the block, make a cup of tea or have a bath. These things will distract you from the initial panic so that you can then move forward and decide on the best way to cope.
2. Think about the worst-case scenario: This advice may seem, well, bonkers, but it can actually be helpful to think through what the worst end result could be. Whether you’re anxious about a big presentation or a difficult situation with a friend, considering the worst-case scenario often shows you that it won’t be as bad as you fear; chances are that you and the world will survive no matter what happens. If the worst thing that can happen is panicking and having a heart attack, try thinking yourself into having a heart attack. It’s just not possible, and so the fear will run away the more you chase it.
3. Go with it: Sometimes the worst that can happen is a panic attack, so if you start to get a faster heartbeat or sweating palms, the best thing is not to fight it. Don’t try to distract yourself but stay where you are and simply feel the panic. Place your hands on your stomach and take slow deep breaths, with no more than 12 breaths a minute. Although it may take up to an hour, this helps to soothe your body and eventually the panic will go away. Why should you just go with it? Because you need to help your mind get used to coping with panic, so as to take the fear of fear away.
4. Face your fears: In a similar vein, avoiding your fears only gives them more weight, as you’re telling yourself that this is indeed something scary and threatening. Plus, the sooner you get back on that horse, the easier it will be. For example, if getting into a lift one day causes you to feel anxious, the best thing to do is to get back into a lift the next day, and stand in it until you’re no longer scared. Facing your fears makes them fade away.
5. Live in reality: You tend to fear things that are highly unlikely in real life. For example, if you’ve been attacked, the chances are that you’re anxious about going out at night ever again for fear of another incident. However, there’s actually a very low chance that you’ll be attacked again. Similarly, you might blush when you feel self-conscious, and feel foolish for doing so, but blushing in stressful situations is normal. By remembering this, the anxiety goes away, so investigate the reality of your fears.
6. Don’t expect to be perfect: You don’t have to be faultless in parenting in order to be a good mum, nor is your life a mess if your DVDs aren’t all facing in the same direction. This kind of perfectionist black-and-white thinking is unrealistic and only sets you up for anxiety. Everyone has bad days and setbacks (no matter how perfect your friends’ lives seem from their Facebook pages) so remember that life is messy, and move on.