Doesn’t it seem somewhat ironic that the thing you have to do to make a baby becomes the very thing you can no longer do once the kids arrive? Sure, it’s sex 24/7 when you’re newly married, but as soon as you’ve got a baby to take care of, you can feel like it’s bye-bye to bedroom fun for the next 18 years. However, having a sex life while being a parent shouldn’t be a mutually exclusive proposition; it is possible to still enjoy a healthy sexual wellbeing when there are kids in the house – just make sure you’ve got a good, working lock on that door!
1. Find the time: When you’ve got kids, even finding the time to clean your teeth in the morning is a struggle, let alone setting aside space in the schedule for getting intimate. However, a little re-organisation is in order if you ever want to spend time with your partner, even if your children are in the house. Going to bed at the same time can help to ensure you’re more in sync, especially if you go to bed a little earlier instead of watching TV all night after the kids are asleep. If you’re still feeling a bit weird about having sex with your kids in the next room, send them to family or friends for the night so you can have some proper alone time.
2. Protect your privacy: If you’ve got little ones, you might be reluctant to go to the loo or shower by yourself, let alone closing and locking the door, in case your children need you for some sort of emergency. However, once your kids have graduated to a big bed, it’s time to instill a greater sense of privacy and teach them to respect closed doors. Respecting other people’s space in general is an important life lesson to for your children to learn, and it can give you and your partner the opportunity you need to be together without the fear of unexpected interruptions.
3. Keep the noise down: Having to be q-u-i-e-t at all times can really cramp your style, but there are practical things you can do to prevent advertising what you are doing behind closed doors. First, pay attention to your bed: If it is hitting a wall, move it; if the squeaky springs are giving the game away, invest in a new mattress. When getting intimate with your partner, turning on a little music – in your room and/or your kids’ rooms – will go a long way to mask any noise you make. Putting your kids in front of the TV may also have the same effect – just make sure it’s an engrossing enough programme that they won’t notice you’re missing!
4. Sex when you have young kids: If you have a newborn sleeping in the cot next to you, having sex can feel a bit weird. It’s important to bear in mind that whatever you do and however loudly you do it, your baby won’t remember it. Nonetheless, there are some very simple ways to get around this issue. Move your baby/toddler into another room – it’s something they’ll have to do eventually anyway. If the baby’s already asleep and you’re reluctant to move him or her, try snuggling in another room in the house, you might enjoy a change of scenery!
5. Sex when you have older kids: If your kids go to bed at the same time of you, it’s harder to get your alone time and keep it secret. This is why it’s important to teach a closed-door policy as soon as possible, preferably from a young age. Make sure they know to knock first and wait for an answer before they come in – otherwise, they could be doing as much damage to their mental wellness as they are to your sexual health!