Once you reach a certain age, your sexual health and wellbeing starts to noticeably suffer more than it ever has. Even if you’ve been happily married for decades and your relationship is in tip-top condition, if your libido is lower that your husband’s, or you’re too shy to initiate sex, this can leave your sex life on life support. However, there’s no need to worry as relationship expert and sexologist Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, author of Urge: Hot Secrets For Great Sex, is here to tell you exactly how to get your libido in sync.
According to Dr Morrissey, ‘Differing libidos is a common issue for couples no matter what age. Like many issues that are negotiated in a relationship, frequency of sex is another one. Whether a partner has a different sex drive, or whether the couple has had children and need to work libido, or whether someone has had an illness or stressful event, libido naturally fluctuates in relation to what is going on in our lives. It is certainly possible to change your libido but it takes some focus on your sex life and some adjustments to your relationship.’ So, which adjustments do you need to make?
1. The “Just Do It” Approach: ‘The more you have sex, the more you desire it,’ Dr Morrissey explains. ‘Sometimes, just doing it can spark your desire for more. You acknowledge you don’t initiate sex, but why not try it and see if that increases your desire? Rather than being sexually reactionary, try being proactive and putting sex back on your brain. Your libido is in your most important sexual organ, the one between your ears (not your legs), so the more you think about sex and plan it, initiate it, the more your brain becomes sexual and begins to want more.’
2. Change it Up: It may sound a little unappealing to try to make yourself feel sexy when you’re just not in the mood. In this case, you need to change things so that you do find yourself getting aroused and in the mood for sex more often. ‘For those who have low libido because (or in part due to) the sex not feeling good, the very first issue to fix is making sex feel really good – not just orgasmic but fantastic all over, mentally and physically,’ says Dr Morrissey. ‘If it does that, we’ll definitely want more of it! And, if you truly want to change your sex life, you’ll be more inclined to try new things to achieve that, rather than feel half-hearted about it, which won’t lead to success.’
3. Read All About it: Dr Morrissey asserts, ‘It is acknowledged and well known that while both men and women can find looking at sexual images stimulating, actually reading about sex and romance is particularly effective for women. This includes everything from sex articles to romance novels to erotic stories and books. Women who read romance novels (not even the explicit material, just plain romance) are more likely to desire sex than those who don’t. Reading erotic stories is a great way to get in the mood because (as in the first approach) it stimulates your sexual brain. If you’re too shy to go into a store, may I suggest online shopping? Many ordinary online bookstores will sell soft erotic books and most online sex shops will have a book section for both the softer as well the more explicit books and story collections…There is a huge range of styles so it’s really a matter of experimenting and reading a few different authors before you find a genre or style that you like and really works for you.’