One sexual health problem that always seems centred on women is that of achieving better orgasms. Although men do need adequate stimulation and attention before climax, their process is pretty much fool-proof in this area. We, on the other hand, are a little more complex, but does that mean you have to cope with a life of hit-and-miss sexual experiences? Of course not. You can take control of your sexual wellbeing simply by changing or adding a few everyday habits, and achieve stronger, faster orgasms as a result.
1. Relax: According to award-winning wellness writer Hope Gillette, ‘Relaxing does not mean heading to the spa and de-stressing from the day (though that will certainly help an orgasm, too!), it means learning to let go of the worry women tend to have regarding having an orgasm. Because not all women can climax through vaginal intercourse, and because it sometimes takes a very specific combination of moves and caresses to bring a woman to orgasm, women tend to feel a certain amount of anxiety that they won’t peak before or with their partner. This will prevent women from relaxing and enjoying sex. It is also one of the most common reasons women fake orgasms.’
2. Communicate: ‘Just because you have a great relationship with your partner doesn’t men he understands what you need in bed,’ says Gillette. ‘Men aren’t mind readers, and they can only help you achieve a stronger orgasm, faster if you tell them what you like and what you don’t like…Men want direction, and if you aren’t comfortable communicating that in words, try just making encouraging noises or guiding them along. Just keep in mind your man wants to please you and if he is not, he would certainly appreciate your help.’
3. Understand your own body: How are you going to know what you like if you haven’t experimented by yourself? Gillette advises, ‘Masturbation is a great way for women to explore their bodies before they get into a sexual situation with a partner. Once you know what you like, you’ll be able to communicate that to your partner. Similarly, you can take time on your own to do Kegel exercises. These will strengthen your pelvic flood muscles and help you achieve a stronger orgasm, faster. Kegel can also help pleasure your partner as you can control your “grip” during vaginal intercourse. Masturbation also helps you discover different moves and poses that increase your pleasure.’
4. Don’t skip foreplay: ‘If you’re skipping foreplay just to hop into vaginal intercourse because your man is ready to go, you’re short-changing yourself on a very important part of the female orgasm,’ Gillette warns. ‘Orgasms are more intense for a woman if she is adequately aroused. Arousal increases blood flow to sensitive areas and helps increase sexual stimulation. Foreplay can also include sexual fantasy; remember, the brain is responsible for arousal, too. Sexual fantasy can mean bringing toys into the mix or watching a sexy movie with your partner. Don’t rely on your partner only though. Fantasizing with whatever arouses you will help you reach an orgasm faster. Don’t feel guilty about thinking about something else if that helps you enjoy sex.’
5. Breathe: Although it sounds simple, breathing in the right way has a huge impact on your orgasms. Gillette instructs, ‘Contrary to what you may be thinking, you do not want to slow your breathing down or try to hold it in; you want to breathe fast, which will throw the body into a state of heightened senses. Letting go will also help you – instead of breathing out silently, don’t be shy about making noises and moaning – you’ll be surprised how much it excites you and your partner.’