Although arguing with your partner doesn’t seem like a short-cut to sexual health and wellness, the truth is that it lead to one thing which can do wonders for your sexual wellbeing; make-up sex. But why is making up between the sheets so legendary for being spicy? According to psychologist Seth Meyers, PsyD, couples ‘hunger to switch gears from the negative emotions that come with fighting to the opposite end of the spectrum.’ This basically means that you want to feel that warm high you experience when you make up. Some couples even go so far as to stir up an argument so that they can reap the sexy rewards, but isn’t there a better way? Here’s how to experience the ecstasy of make-up sex without the shake-up beforehand:
1. Get Your Blood Pumping: If you want to get your adrenaline going without getting your partner going out the door, try some sort of daredevil activity with your partner. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington and co-author of The Getaway Guide to the Great Sex Weekend, advises, ‘Do something exciting together, and the sex you have afterward will be life affirming.’ If skydiving or bungee jumping seems a little too life-threatening in the name of a good bang, you and your partner can also get your blood pumping by taking a rollercoaster ride, or even going on run together. Sure, you’ll get all hot and sweaty, but only in the best way.
2. Ditch Each Other: A post-fight romp is, in many ways, a reunion; you come back together and connect after being emotionally opposed to one another. However, instead of arguing, planning some physical time apart can have you longing for each other again. Hollie S, 25, has found this trick to work time and time again: ‘I look forward to solo trips because I get to do something I really enjoy, plus my husband and I really get to miss each other, which leads to hotter sex when we get our hands on each other again.’ Author of In the Name of Love Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, PhD, agrees, noting, ‘In a flourishing relationship, the importance of personal space cannot be exaggerated.’ Plus, you get a weekend away with your friends – bonus.
3. Get Some Harmless Competition Going: When you’re all dress up and manage to turn a few strangers’ heads, how hot do you feel? Ari B, 34, knows that feeling, and even suggests that you tap into that emotion to get things going with your partner. Go ‘out and [get] attention from someone else,’ Ari recommends. ‘Showing him you’re in demand with others is a foolproof way to instigate some jealousy and motivate him to win you over again.’ Ari recalls a time when a woman flirted with her at a party, and it really got her husband going. ‘She was actually straight,’ Ari details. ‘She just wanted to have fun and complimented my curves. He thought it was hot that a woman was attracted to me, and it reminded him that he faces competition from all genders, which made the sex that night super hot.’
4. Play Fight: When all else fails, get your imaginary boxing gloves out. Stage a make-believe tiff about something trivial that doesn’t really matter to either of you, like who’s the better twerker, says Myriad M, 30. ‘Pick sides, and fight to win!’ she enthuses. Whether you debate yourselves into a lather, or actually tackle him onto the bed, there’s nothing like a battle to to arouse some playful feelings of competition … and, ahem, some other types of feelings too.