Sexual health and wellness is a confusing thing, especially as you don’t tend to own up to your likes and dislikes in the bedroom department. But what makes sex sizzle, and what makes it fizzle? And, is sex better or worse once you tie the knot? We got some singletons and marriedtons to dish the dirt on what lifts and lessens their sexual wellbeing.
1. Gina, 34, Single: When it comes to sizzling sex, Gina recalls, ‘The best sexual experiences for me have always been with men I have established an emotional connection with. After that, spontaneity is a real turn-on – don’t pencil me into your Palm Pilot! Planned sex is a real turn-off for me. After that, there are a number of things that can point the sex-meter closer to fizzling than sizzling – it could be an argument, physical exhaustion, stress or just one of those days when I’m feeling not-so-sexy.’
2. Randy, 46, Single: ‘Passion – the burning desire to be with someone,’ is what does it for Randy. ‘Part of it is feeling really attracted to the person – the physical characteristics – and part is communication. Without the physical attraction, the chemistry isn’t there. Conflict and resentment are turn-offs, too.’
3. Jason, 33, Single: ‘The best is what I call “aerobic sex,” when you’re fully out of breath, completely spent and you know – or at least you believe! – that you’re making the other person feel amazing,’ Jason asserts. ‘That’s when I can relax and give in to it completely.’ When it comes to turn-offs, Jason dislikes ‘a person who can’t kiss past a pucker. And continued bashfulness – I don’t care how fit you are, you have to shake what you have and feel sexy, or it’s a total turn-off.’
4. Gisela, 43, Single: ‘A mutual understanding of what a partner wants, both in and out of bed, is so sexy,’ says Gisela. ‘An honest, sincere, straightforward person who has experience. And I like men and women – I want a man who will be okay with that. You’d think that would be easy to find, but it’s not!’ Gisela adds, ‘It fizzles if it’s just for sex and not for the pleasure of both people. Bragging, like kids, is a total turn-off.’
5. Bill, 83, Married: ‘A very attractive wife like my Win,’ does it for Bill. ‘We have similar interests – we love to dance and travel – and that kind of connection can translate into great lovemaking. We’re very close in all respects, physically and emotionally, even more so after 53 years of being together.’ He notes, ‘As a result of prostate cancer you can become impotent and can’t get an erection. But we’ve still got it – I’m a lover, a hugger, a kisser – though it’s not like before.’
6. Dori, 25, Married: For Dori, self-confidence leads to sizzling sex. ‘Confidence is sexy no matter what,’ she points out. ‘Lack of inhibitions, aggressiveness, taking initiative.’ And what dampens your confidence in the bedroom? ‘Roommates,’ says Dori. ‘My husband and I have them now – that’s why we’re buying a house!’
7. Sam, 53, Married: ‘It takes two to tango,’ Sam comments. ‘It takes two good companions, with a good relationship outside of the bed. At 53, you might like a 26-year-old hard-body who can do everything, but that’s a selfish point of view. It might sizzle for you, but it won’t for her. If there’s poor compatibility mentally, it might be good that one time, but that’s it. It’s bad if you’re doing it for the wrong reason, just to do it instead of to enhance your relationship.’