Once you’ve given birth, getting back to the peak of sexual health might not be the first thing on your mind. However, after four to six weeks – depending on how you are feeling – you can resume sexual activity and the idea might not be such a turn-off. Still, a lot of couples find that sex just doesn’t fit into their new lifestyle or they’re just too tired to do it – but sex can be amazing after having a baby, and it’s good for your wellbeing as well as your relationship. Make sure you get the go-ahead from your doctor, and then try our tips for getting back in the saddle.
1. Exercise: According to noted wellness writer Maria Trimarchi, ‘When you get your body moving, you get your blood flowing, and that includes to the genital region. Lower body exercises such as lunges as well as core-building moves like plank position all help to tone and strengthen muscles used during sex, with the added benefit of feeling good about boosting your energy, losing weight and sculpting those sexy abs.’
2. Kegels: As well as an all-over body workout, you need to work that pelvic floor. Trimarchi explains, ‘Pelvic floor muscles support your uterus, bladder and bowels, and pregnancy and childbirth weakens them. Kegel exercises will help. The stronger your pelvic floor muscles are, the more strongly they’ll contract during an orgasm. First, find your pelvic floor muscles – one of the most common ways is to try to stop the flow of urine as you go to the bathroom (don’t make this a habit, though, because fiddling with your urine flow may put you at risk for urinary tract infections). The muscles that allow you to do this are the muscles you want to work out.’ Once you’ve found those muscles, Trimarchi instructs, ‘Squeeze those muscles for about 10 seconds, rest for 10 seconds and repeat. If 10 seconds is too long, try three or five to begin with – practicing a set of 10 Kegels three times a day will have your pelvic floor muscles in shape in about six to 12 weeks.’
3. Sleep: In 2007, the National Sleep Foundation found that about 84% of postpartum women experience a sleep problem at least a few nights a week and about 72% wake up feeling un-refreshed – and it’s not hard to see how this can put a dampener on your sex life! Trimarchi notes, ‘People who feel tired, stressed, sad or angry – all common when we don’t get about seven to eight hours of sleep a night – are unlikely to be in the mood for sex.’ Kristen Chase, who is also known as the Mominatrix, publisher and COO of Cool Mom Picks, adds, ‘Your kids really deserve the happiest, most fulfilled mom they can have. And moms all want to do the best for their children. Taking care of ourselves and our relationships are the best things we can do. You’re modelling a positive relationship and what a happy mom looks like.’
4. Don’t Have Sex: Ironically enough, you can spice up your sex life by not having sex. Eliza Holland, CNM, MSN, and chairperson of the Connecticut Chapter of the AmericanCollege of Nurse Midwives, recommends, ‘Take turns making requests until you’re ready for intercourse. Today you get to decide. And you might just want a massage. Then it’s his turn. Intercourse happens when you both agree it’s time.’ Trimarchi suggests, ‘Instead of sex, build the anticipation for sex. Touch, tease and explore each other’s bodies. Or revisit old favourites. Remember what it was like to just kiss? Maybe making out in the backseat of your car will make you feel like teenagers again, without a care in the world.’