Viewing porn is usually associated with the male half of the population, but does it also have an influence in female sexual wellbeing? Women across the globe happily read Fifty Shades of Grey out in public, but we still have a problem admitting we like porn or erotica. So the question is, then, do women like porn?
According to sexual health and wellness writer Walker J. Thornton, MA, ‘Men and women do display variations in what they find erotic. It has commonly been assumed that men are more visual than women and we know that men are more likely to get right down to ‘it’ rather than endure a narrative or slow undressing of the character. But those are gross oversimplifications of the gender divide. This is the Mars, Venus scenario taken to the extreme.’
In his Wall Street Journal article “The Online World of Female Desire,” researcher Ogi Ogas detailed his recent study on sexual desire. Completing internet searches of popular adult sites and other web destinations, Ogas’ team came to the conclusion that men prefer two-minute porn flicks for sexual stimulation, while women prefer romance novels. Subscription rates to online porn sites showed that men outnumbered women subscribers 50 to one, leading the researchers to put forth the theory that women don’t really watch porn – but is that true?
Thornton admits, ‘I enjoy some porn, if it’s tastefully done, involves no violence, aggression or sex with animals, and has content other than a succession of close-ups of genitals. And, I’ve watched erotica and porn with a man more than I’ve watched it alone – actually I’ve never watched it alone. Many sex therapists will tell you that watching erotic material together as a couple can be very stimulating. I would agree, and I don’t read romance novels.’ However, for Thornton, the study does reveal a problem with the growing trend in our culture to depict sex in its most stripped down, rawest form.
‘We are inundated with sexual innuendoes on billboards, magazines and commercials,’ Thornton asserts. ‘Movies and television shows are full of sex scenes and rarely in the context of a committed relationship. It has become commonplace, impersonal, and often so salacious that pornography has had to become more intense just to regain its titillating factor. One can’t help but wonder if we are becoming increasingly desensitised to sexual content and what impact that has in the bedroom. The cultural portrayal of sex bears little resemblance to what happens in reality. Airbrushed bodies, vigorous men, and women who have an infinite series of unending orgasms trick us into unrealistic expectations and anxieties. Will he be virile and capable of bringing me to orgasm so quickly? Will I be able to maintain that kind of erection and perform as she expects?’
So for Thornton, then, porn gives us unrealistic expectations of sex which, in turn, has a negative impact on our relationships. Even though, as Thornton outlines, ‘what most of us want is a simpler, more sincere form of sexual connection,’ the harsh standards that pornography sets is getting in the way of this goal. Thornton goes on to conclude, ‘Under the pressure to live up to these artificial ‘standards’ the two sexes don’t communicate their wishes or their fantasies to each other. So he sits alone in the dark watching porn on the computer while she lies in bed reading romance novels on her Kindle. Both parties wishing for connection and intimacy, as well as sexual satisfaction, and uncertain as to how to reach out to each other.’