Feeling sexy plays a huge role in your sexual health and wellbeing. Without that feeling, you can be put off the idea of sex altogether, which can significantly damage your relationship wellness. However, feeling sexy isn’t just about attracting someone; real sexiness is the total confidence that can make you feel smarter, funnier and better in every area of your life. So let’s look at a few small ways in which you can feel just that little bit sexier every day.
1. Make the Effort: Sometimes, you don’t give yourself permission to work on your appearance, but a little change on the outside can work wonders on the inside. According to Eve Marx, author of Beddington Place: Watch Your Back, Cover Your Tracks, ‘Feeling confident about your appearance is the first step to genuine sex appeal.’ Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light, adds, ‘When you feel beautiful, you feel sensual.’
2. Do Something Novel: Sandor Gardos, PhD, founder of mypleasure.com, notes, ‘Novelty is the greatest aphrodisiac.’ So book a last-minute getaway or take up a new class or hobby. Living in the moment is exciting – and sexy.
3. Touch yourself: Instead of slapping on the lotion after a hot shower, massage your body with it, or give yourself a relaxing neck rub. Dry brushing can reduce your toxins, dry skin and even your cellulite. Reader Mary McGuire-Wien, of New York City, details, ‘I brush my skin with a soft brush every morning when I wake up. It makes my skin feel much more alive.’
4. Read Something Racy: Marks points out, ‘Erotic novels give women ideas. They respond to stories that fire up their imagination.’
5. Bust Out of That Old Bra: ‘Most women are wearing the wrong bra,’ Marx asserts. ‘Don’t be scared to spend money on good lingerie. The right foundation will make you feel like a million bucks.’
6. Act Out: The best way to have the sex appeal of Beyonce is to pretend to be Beyonce. Marx comments, ‘It’s fun to get out of your head and role play,’ Marx says. So emulate your favourite leading lady and feel that surge of confidence.
7. Play Top Chef: Not only is food a great aphrodisiac; getting busy in the kitchen together can help get things even busier in the bedroom. Marks notes, ‘It’s fun to work closely together in tight quarters and taste food off each other’s fingers and lips.’
8. Get Sweaty: While getting a sweat on at the gym may not seem like the sexiest solution to your confidence problems, exercise helps you lose weight, lowers your stress levels and gives you a natural, sexy high thanks to endorphins. Reader Jaime Sarrio, of Nashville, enthuses, ‘When I feel low, I hit the gym. I feel strong and sexy after a run on the treadmill or a weight-lifting session.’
9. Make Eye Contact: ‘How do you ask for sex,’ asks Catherine Cardinal, PhD, author of The Ten Commandments of Relationships? ‘You probably mumble it with downcast eyes — couples make less eye contact as years go by. Look directly at him the next time. It’ll remind him of the days when he couldn’t take his eyes off you.’
10. Go for a Girls’ Night Out: Reader Megan Barner, of Charlotte, North Carolina, explains, ‘When I do something just for me, it’s easier to remember who I was before I was a wife and mum. After I spend time with friends, my husband says I come back a new woman.’
11. Double Up: ‘Add the element of doubling,’ recommends Barbara Keesling, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. ‘Hold his kiss for twice as long. Take twice as much time to unbutton every button.’