It’s incredible pleasurable and exciting when you reach orgasm – particularly if it happens during an intimate moment with your partner. However, sometimes that lovely moment eludes your sexual wellbeing, or you find that your orgasms aren’t as strong and intense as you would like them to be. While you may not have had to do anything in the past to improve your orgasms, if they’re not so hot and heavy now there are still things you can do to fine-tune your sexual wellness, and have the best orgasms you’ve ever had. With that in mind, we spoke to sexual health expert Ruth Olurounbi for her “Big O” tips:
1. Never Fake It: According to Olurounbi, ‘Sometimes women (and even men!) fake orgasms because they don’t want to hurt their partners’ feelings. Though this deception comes from a place of love, it is still deception and can be destructive. Your partner won’t learn how to truly pleasure you, and you will likely become resentful if you continually miss out on your sexual bliss.’
2. Ask For What You Want: ‘Instead of faking orgasm, why not be up front and let your partner know what types of positions and touches you enjoy?,’ Olurounbi says. ‘Hate missionary? Go ahead and tell him! Or, hop on top and show him what you like.’
3. Stay Fit: Olurounbi points out, ‘Along with keeping your communication tight, you also need to make sure that your physical health is up to par. Get plenty of exercise and eat a healthy diet. Plus, steer clear of too much wine on date night (a glass or two is fine, but any more and you might kill the sensations and pleasures of sex).’
4. Dress for Success: ‘If you want a great orgasm, dress the part!’ Olurounbi enthuses. ‘Leave the granny panties and old sweats in the closet where they belong. Instead dress with seduction in mind. Not only will it get your partner thinking along amorous lines, but it will also help you tap into your inner vixen all day long.’
5. Focus on Your Hot Spots: Olurounbi notes, ‘Only 30% of women have an orgasm from intercourse alone, so rest assured that there is nothing abnormal about your inability to reach orgasm instantly during sex. Most women need a little extra stimulation, whether it’s manual stimulation of the clitoris or oral stimulation before or after the act itself.’
6. Make Time for Foreplay: ‘It’s true that there will be some days when you simply won’t have time for sex,’ Olurounbi admits. ‘However, most of the time, you can always finagle a few moments to bond and be intimate. You just have to be creative: Hop in the shower for a little loving at the end of a long day, or set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier and free up time for early morning intimacy.’
7. Just Do It: ‘Even if you aren’t in the mood at first, sexual pleasure can sometimes pop up after a few moments of touching and foreplay,’ Olurounbi asserts. ‘Don’t say no off the bat, give your body time to wake up and respond.’
8. Use Sex Toys: Olurounbi explains, ‘Sex aids can bring a whole new level of enjoyment and intimacy into your bedroom, especially if you have hit a rough patch or you want to spice things up. You can use a simple clitoral vibrator during intercourse to help increase your arousal, or you can get even more intense by using a G-spot vibrator or a dildo.’
9. Kiss More: ‘Sounds simple, yet many couples stop kissing once in a long-term relationship,’ Olurounbi laments. ‘Get those kisses back by making it a point to kiss every day for at least ten seconds. It will bring intimacy and eroticism back to your bedroom and to your relationship.’
10. Masturbate: Olurounbi comments, ‘Self-stimulation is a great way to get in touch with your sexual response and inner desires. Make it a habit to fantasise and self-stimulate on a regular basis to keep your circulation flowing and your libido pumping!’