Even if you’ve come to terms with the fact that your loved one has a terminal illness, it is still considerably difficult to digest the fact that your time with your family member is coming to an end. Whether you cope with the reality most effectively by staying busy or need time each day to reflect on the wonderful memories you and your relative share, it’s important to deal with the situation in a healthy and loving manner.
Allow Yourself to Feel Anticipatory Grief
When you initially find out that a loved one is sick, you may experience anticipatory grief, which is when you begin to show grief well before your relative passes away. You may start to go through a period of sadness, anger and confusion. Or, you may start to do things that help you come to terms with the situation, like keeping a journal or meditating. Let yourself feel all of these emotions, and deal with them in a constructive way. Embracing your feelings can keep you from doing destructive things in an attempt to cover your grief.
Make Amends and Express Love
According to HelpGuide.org, a reputable nonprofit information source, it’s best to make amends with the relative that has the terminal illness and express the love and appreciation you feel for him/her. If your relative needs to know that you’ll be there until the end, prove this with visits, conversations and even an adventure or two that will result in a memory you’ll carry with you forever. Talk about any issues you have with your relative so that amends will be made, and take every opportunity to say “I love you” so you can deal with the circumstances with more mental clarity.
Listen to Your Loved One
If your family member needs to confess certain things, listen with a non-judgmental ear. Remember, this situation is difficult for your relative as well, and he/she may need to have a number of discussions that will help him/her come to terms with reality. Listen to the needs and wants of your family member and try your best to meet those needs in the time that you have left. Following through on any burial requests such as Sutter Cremation or a natural burial will help you respect their memory after their passing.
Seek Counsel and Support
It can be very helpful to talk to others who have been in your shoes in order to gain support, wisdom and insight. Ask friends and other family members for advice. Join a support group for family members or terminally ill relatives. Surround yourself with people you can call any time you want to talk so that you won’t have to keep your feelings bottled and you can receive sound advice, a warm hug or a smile to help get you through the day.
The more honest you are about having a family member with a terminal illness, the more peace of mind you’ll experience during this very difficult time. While the process of losing a loved one is always difficult, taking time to remember the enjoyable times you and your relative had and respecting his/her last wishes can help you to face the circumstances with strength and resolve.