Brad Dickson’s humor column, “Breaking Brad,” appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.
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Brad’s afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad’s morning jokes.
* Omaha sirens went off for several minutes Wednesday morning. It’s unclear if this was a tornado test drill or whether city engineers just filled another pothole.
* Winds exceeded 40 mph in Omaha on Wednesday. It’s so windy, MECA claims two new members were blown on to the board.
* In Sarpy County, a dog somehow dialed 911. Apparently the cat was bugging him.
* How does this make people in huge metropolises feel when they get a busy signal at 911? Dogs in Nebraska can get through.
* Judge Joe Brown was arrested for allegedly throwing a tantrum in court. Americans are more into this case than the Oscar Pistorius trial.
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* Joe Biden recently said, “There isn’t a Republican Party.” Mr. Biden, you will learn better if you run for president. The Republican Party will be the people throwing 475 tons of mud your way.
* Biden recently bragged about his basketball skills. Hey, we’re more likely to vote for a president with a good crossover than one with a decent foreign policy.
* A Girl Scout in Oklahoma sold 18,107 boxes of cookies this year, a new record. Her only problem? Loneliness. All of her neighbors moved out three months ago.
* She also won the title of “Kid I’d Least Like To Live Next Door To.” Lots of competition for that one, too.
* I’ll just be glad when we can stop wasting time on stupid NCAA brackets at work and get back to normal — wasting time watching videos of cats doing dumb stuff.
* The Redneck Games have been canceled for budgetary reasons. Great, I filled out my bracket for nothing.
* In Canada, there’s a new sport that’s a hybrid of air hockey and beer pong. After 2013, the BCS can rank these competitors.
* Peyton Manning turned 38 on Monday. He received a romantic card from the Greater Omaha Chamber of Commerce.
* Former NHL bad boy Sean Avery was voted off “Dancing With the Stars.” I’d give a week’s pay to see him body check one of the judges into the nearest wall.