Body image isn’t only a health concern for women; men also get embarrassed about bits they don’t like. According to wellness expert Kevin P. Allen, ‘Tell a guy when he’s 13 years old that his wrists are too skinny and he’s liable to start wearing long-sleeved shirts. Really long-sleeved shirts. For years, maybe…Such highly individualised quirks aside, there are some physical characteristics that large groups of men are embarrassed about – which makes it even more ridiculous, when you think about it. How can you be embarrassed about a common trait?’ So which physical characteristics are embarrassing for men?
1. Back Hair: Allen notes, ‘Back hair – the kind that peeks up over your shirt collar, creates a furry blanket over your shoulders and blocks the sun on your lats when you’re at the pool – is one of those traits that men curse the gods of genetics for having “blessed” them with. It’s viewed by some onlookers as a sign of uncleanness. It gets washed as often as the rest of you. Still, many men are thoroughly ashamed of it. But it’s all a matter of embracing it. A guy who wears his furry coat proudly and can chuckle at himself may soon be viewed as a “that funny bear of a man.” If you really hate it, you can have it waxed off at a salon – or by a particularly sympathetic significant other.’
2. Baldness: ‘You gotta salute guys for how far they’ve come on this one,’ says Allen. ‘More men than ever are embracing their follicle challenges and just shaving their noggin. But, still, receding hairlines, pattern baldness and chrome-domea of all varieties are perplexing. If the world could recapture the amount of time that men have spent examining their heads in the mirror, well we’d … uhhh … we’d have a lot more time, that’s what. Remember when we said that embarrassment makes no sense? Here’s a case in point. The hair pieces that some fellas purchase to cover their baldness are usually far more alarming than the receding hairline they’re covering. Embarrassment can twist a mind in such a way that it suddenly makes sense to place roadkill on one’s scalp. Oh well, at least that poor sap’s head is warm.’
3. Farmer’s Tan: ‘This one is just not fair,’ Allen complains. ‘You work hard, sweating and toiling in the sun, and what do you have to show for it? A farmer’s tan. A farmer’s tan comes in many variations. There’s the stark contrast between the brown of the forearm and the pasty paleness of the bicep. There’s the farmer’s tan of the legs, which leaves the eternal impression that you’re wearing white socks. There’s the farmer’s tan of the neck, around your collar line, and even of the head should you happen to pair a ball cap with an aforementioned chrome dome. Unfortunately, you can’t wear that cap all the time. Yes, a farmer’s tan can leave a colourfully negative impression on the viewing public, but it really shouldn’t. What it should say is, “I work hard for the money, so you better treat me right.” Farmers love Donna Summer songs.’
4. Penis Size: ‘It’s the world’s oldest question,’ Allen asserts. ‘No, not “to be or not to be,” but “does size matter?” A guy who didn’t get a true education about sex from his parents or teachers – locker room jokes don’t replace real knowledge – usually comes to the conclusion that the size of his penis matters a great deal and he, pun intended, comes up short. Nothing is more embarrassing for a guy than the false knowledge that he’s inadequate in any sexual way. Truth is, an extremely large unit will cause undue pain to your partner and prevent you from experiencing the pleasure of being able to plunge completely into the experience. Pun, um, still intended. Even a guy who is quite below average in the length department (less than 4.5 inches, or 11.4 centimeters) can make up for the deficiency by engaging in more preintercourse pleasuring and by trying some creative positions.’