How Can You Calm Your Children’s Fears and Anxieties?

Fear is a powerful thing that can negatively affect family wellness, no matter who you are. Some children have more fears and anxieties than others, but everyone has them, regardless of how naturally brave you are. Some fears are rooted in real, logical threats to physical wellness, such as getting stung by a bee, and some fears are things you just have to live with because there’s nothing you can do, like natural disasters, for example. Some fears, on the other hand, live largely in your imagination, like monsters that live under the bed, but even though the threat is not real, these fears are deeply rooted in your child’s imagination, and can paralyse and destabilise his emotional wellbeing.

According to research carried out by the New York Times, one in five children suffer from anxiety disorders and they are most often under-diagnosed and under-treated. However, Tamar E. Chansky, a psychotherapist who treats anxious children, as well as adults, and wrote the guide, Freeing Your Child From Anxiety, insists that you can empower your children and encourage them to overcome such fears.

Firstly, don’t be tempted to tell your kid that there is nothing to worry about, but empathise with him and acknowledge his concerns and the effect they have. However, then tell your child that these problems come from your ‘worry brain’, and the worry brain always jumps to conclusions and cannot be trusted. Name the worries as something like ‘brain bugs’ so your child focuses less on the particular fear and makes anxiety the problem instead.

Try asking your child what she is really worried about, and what she thinks is going to happen. Once she tells you, ask her to think about it and see if that really makes sense. Help her to realise that she is in control, and brain bugs are not the boss of her. Ask her what she wants to do, and what she would do if the brain bug wasn’t in charge. Make sure you teach her relaxation techniques, so she can calm the ‘fight or flight’ biological alarm that occurs when fear takes over, and remember to reinforce her efforts with praise when she calms her fears.