They say you never have a second chance at a first impression, which means your corporate wellness is often riding on you getting it right the first time. Whether you’re trying to land a job or seal a deal, what the other person sees in you in the first few minutes could make the difference between triumph, and completely blotching it up on the first meeting. Still, is there ever a way to claw your way back to a good opinion, or is your first impression set in stone?
Your brain has a speedy ability to judge another person’s character but research shows that this isn’t always accurate. While you can judge a person based on a photograph – even seeing it for just one-tenth of a second – and be accurate most of the time, the problem is that some of the time you get it wrong. You apply labels to a person – such as doctor, Christian, environmentalist etc. – in order to make your mind’s job easier. However, you control how much importance you attach to those labels, and how much effort you put it to look beneath a person’s race, religion, occupation or other initial labels. It’s hard not to judge people by first impressions, but you can take control through communication.
According to Marshall Rosenberg, author of Non-violent Communication, “Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words [can] become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting.” This non-violent communication process is based in separating observation from evaluation, rather than mixing up the two. Instead of saying “Tim is lazy,” you can re-frame the communication and safely point out the facts: “Tim hasn’t worked in four years despite having been offered jobs on three different occasions.” That way, you don’t let your emotions hijack the communication, but instead observe the facts without judging. The same goes for you thoughts, as this is just internal communication – how you think about a person affects what comes out of your mouth.
But how do you change the way people perceive you on first impressions? The language you use to describe yourself makes a big impact on how other people see you, but subtle changes can make all the difference. The key thing to remember is to set “who you are” apart from “what you do”. When you meet someone new, the first thing they tend to ask is “what do you do?”. However, while it’s natural to use language that indicates your identity (“I’m a doctor”) a better response would be to use action vocabulary (“I practise medicine”). That way, the other person has been presented with a simple fact, rather than a title on which they can form a judgement of your social standing. Similarly, saying “I’m from India” rather than “I’m Indian” helps to distinguish between geography and citizenship – the latter being a prime cause of nationalistic pride and racism.
It really comes down to stripping out the judgements that come from associating yourself with an identity. This process involves eliminating unhelpful words from your vocabulary, such as lazy, mean, cheap and crazy. These labels have no purpose when you substitute facts to describe a person’s actions. It’s not easy to change your vocabulary, but better communication can have a huge impact on your corporate wellbeing, and other aspects of your daily life. Mindful communication helps you to connect to others on a higher field, forming opinions in a place of thoughtful action rather than reaction. In the very first moments of meeting someone new, be present with that person, and relate through your similarities rather than separating yourself through judgements.