It’s been proven that women who endure or witness an abusive relationship as they grow up are more likely to become victims of abuse as an adult. However, they aren’t the only ones. Any woman can fall in love with someone who disguises their abusive side, only to reveal it later on into a relationship. Every woman should be aware of the red flags of abuse so that they can maintain a healthy relationship, and get out quickly if the relationship begins to turn sour. Abusers notoriously hide their true nature in the early stages of a relationship – if they acted the way they do towards the end, no victim of abuse would stick around. However, in most cases, abusers are manipulative and hone their skills to entrap people into believing that the abuse is something that’s deserved. Both good and bad relationships begin with a honeymoon period, where everything is new and exciting. There’s no much to learn about your new partner that you feel excited about spending all of your time with them. He is attentive and crazy about her – he begins to talk marriage and kids, which makes you feel uneasy and rushed. However, because he seems so perfect and everything you’ve ever dreamed of finding in a man, you convince yourself that he is right for you.
In a healthy relationship, a woman feels safe to express her opinions and concerns when she feels them. Her partner would respect her thoughts and listen to her views. However, communication is very one sided in an abusive relationship and a woman may feel threatened or ignored by her partner. He may pressure her sexually and force her into things that she wouldn’t normally do. The tension may begin to increase in the relationship, and he may begin to use phrases such as ‘Don’t you love me?’ or ‘If you loved me you would do this – while it may sound like he is craving her love on the surface, the reality is that he is using her love against her as blackmail. As the relationship progresses, he may begin to stop her going out or deciding who she spends her time with. Violence may quickly follow, where your partner feels as though he has created a period of tension that has lasted long enough where he is justified in verbally or physically abusing you. Afterwards, he will apologise and beg for forgiveness, promising that it will never happen again. This cycle will inevitably begin again and again, until you find yourself in a relationship that it wholly predictable but that you’ll struggle to get out of.
When you begin to see these warning signs, you need to walk away from the relationship. The man that you thought you were in love with is merely a facade, and the man in your relationship will continue to abuse and emotionally scar you. The only way to end the hurt from an abusive relationship is to leave it – while this may seem difficult and upsetting, it is nothing in comparison to the hurt and emotional heartache you’ll suffer if you stay. Abusers are very skilled at tricking their partners into believing that they are telling the truth but this is only acting at its best. If you are worried that you’re in a relationship that may be becoming abusive, you may find it useful to speak to someone about your problems so that they can advise you how to deal with them – a counsellor or your GP may be helpful with these matters.