We all want to find that special someone and fall in love, but staying that way for years to come can sometimes be more difficult that we first imagined. It’s natural for some of the excitement and romance to dissipate a little when you’ve been with someone a long time, but making the effort to retain a little of that honeymoon period magic could be the difference between an average relationship and an incredibly rewarding and happy one. If your relationship is going to grow, you need to nurture it and give it the attention it deserves. You need to focus on your partner, but also on what you want out of your relationship. Spend some time thinking about how you want this partnership to progress, what you need out of it in order to feel fulfilled, and how you expect you and your partner to achieve this in everyday life. Often we only have time to get the bare bones of our schedules done, but a happy relationship is important and the required time won’t have been wasted if you really give your love life the attention it needs.
It sometimes can occur that you’ve gone a long time without any intimacy without you even realising it, where neither partner makes an effort or realises that anything is even different to how it was when you first started dating. What many therapists and relationship counsellors see is that both partners sweep a lot of unresolved issues under the rug, then wonder why they aren’t as happy as they once were. As with any relationship, communication really is key – you need to be honest and open about how you feel in order to be happy. Consider your relationship like a plant – plants need air and water to grow and become strong. Your union with your partner is no different – you need to give it space and nourishment in order to see results. Try devising a weekly date night where you can enjoy a little romance and fun together. Make time in both of your schedules for one night a week where you ignore the emails and laundry and just be together. It’s important that this happens regularly and that you both make the effort here. The consistency will build trust and a connection which really is the heart of a happy relationship.
Another thing you can do it to develop a sense of security by showing your affection in a variety of ways – this may be a surprise visit to their workplace to see them on their lunch break, a warm hug when they come home from work, or simply a complement. These things are small but they often go amiss when you’ve been with someone a long time. Likewise, establish a meaningful connection with them by being honest and open about who you are and what you want from life. Watch your tone when you’re speaking to your partner and how you speak to them – remember that they aren’t just someone you’re talking to at work or in the supermarket. They deserve attention and affection in ways that should be separate from your everyday communication. Changing your relationship may be difficult at times, but with the right amount of effort and nurturing in the right places, it can be well worth it. Even the most secure relationships require work, so you’ll be in good company and hopefully happy for many years to come.