If your teen’s wellness is affected by depression, parenting and disciplining them can be a minefield. You don’t want to let your child get away with murder when they do something wrong, or strike the wrong balance between talking and giving them space. However, there are some effective parenting and communication techniques that can help you negotiate those treacherous waters of teen mental health and wellbeing:
1. Don’t Discipline in a Destructive Way: From the simple fact that your son or daughter is a teenager, you can rest assured that you will have to discipline them at some point. However, while your go-to parenting style may be to shame and punish them into thinking twice before making the same mistake ever again, this can often feed into feelings of depression. Despairing of your teenager and going straight for the punish-first-communicate-later approach can make your son or daughter feel worthless and inadequate, which can only add to their depressive state. Instead, discipline your teen using positive reinforcement for good behaviour, and openness and non-judgement when communicating about things they’ve done wrong.
2. Accept the Fact Your Teen will Make Mistakes: As we’ve already established, every teenager – and, for that matter, every person – will make a mistake at some point in their lives. As parents, your job isn’t to chart their career or future for them so that they get things right (as you’d only really be correcting your own past failures). Rather, you need to let them decide how to live their own lives – even if you know better. If you become overprotective or take their decisions into your own hands, your teenager will feel that you have no faith in them or their abilities, which can make them feel less confident.
3. Don’t Spend Every Second Breathing Down Their Neck: This goes hand-in-hand with what we’ve previously been saying about letting your teen make their own mistakes, but it also speaks to a general need to give teens breathing room. At some point in every teenager’s life, they stop thinking you’re the bees knees and start realising that they can (and want to) spend more time alone and think things through for themselves. While it’s important that your teen respects your authority and spends time with the family on occasion, that is not to say that they should be tied to your apron strings and hang on every word you say. Give your teenager space to breathe and don’t expect them to do exactly as you say all of the time – they are teenagers, after all.
4. Give Your Teen’s Depression the Time it Deserves: If you have any suspicion that your teenager might be depressed, don’t dismiss the thought or hope the depression goes away on its own. You need to take the time to talk to your teenager and listen to any concerns that she or he might have. Even if you think your teen’s problems are insignificant or petty compared to yours in the “real world,” typical teenage issues can feel very real when you’re growing up and living through them, so address them with the respect your child’s feelings deserve. Make sure your child knows that he or she can talk to you at any time and that the lines of communication are always open. Even if your teen seems to want to withdraw, make sure you regularly ask what’s going on in and listen, rather than telling your teen what to do. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to reach your teen, or if you continue to be concerned, seek help from a qualified health care professional.