Miscommunication between men and women often stems from the fact that many people, particularly men, equate sex with romance. If their sex life is adequate, they believe everything else is fine, but this isn’t always the case. Furthermore, there’s the confusion about what is considered to be romantic or sexual activity. Many people think of kissing and hugging as a prelude to sex, but that’s not always the case. As a result, when people aren’t in the mood for sex, they don’t want to kiss or cuddle either as they think this is where it will lead. But these actions can help to retain the passion and intimacy in a relationship even when your sex life isn’t tip-top.
This kind of activity can be true of people in a relationship where a pattern has been established that kissing can lead to sex. This is where communication is so important, as the partner who wants the romantic touching needs to make it clear that their desire for physical contact has nothing to do with sexual feelings. Sometimes all we need it a kiss and a cuddle to feel loved and close to their partner, not necessarily as a precursor to sex. The onus isn’t always on the men though. Some women crave romance, but deliberately shut their libidos down once they get their fix because they find themselves busy or preoccupied. They don’t consider what it will take to satisfy their partners, as well as themselves. But this can lead to people feeling rejected and worthless in the relationship, which can create bigger problems than just the desire for sex being overlooked.
There’s also the level of confusion which occurs when couples try to communicate with each other about which signs of affection will lead to sex and which won’t. This confusion can create problems. There are two key factors to remember here – men get aroused easily and women can change their minds. But just because men can get aroused by kissing and hugging, it doesn’t mean that they’ll start kicking up a fuss when they don’t have sex. The answer is improved communication, where you need to be able to share your sensitivities and feelings with your partner without hurting his or her feelings.
For example, when a man gets an erection but the woman isn’t in the mood for sex, she needs to be able to tell her partner that she’s not in the mood without him getting upset or annoyed. And if she decides that she’s in the mood and they do have sex, he can’t assume that it’s going to happen every time the situation arises. The best way to do this is to avoid fixed patterns – each member of the relationship needs to be flexible and understand that people change their minds on the matter of sex, and that you can’t assume that one particular scenario will just be repeated each time. And it also means that you should compromise sometimes to please your partner. The man should understand that if a kiss drags on longer than usual, it doesn’t mean he should make her feel guilty when she turns down his advances. And she should be willing to hug and kiss without thinking about sex, but be accepting of her partners needs as well. Compromise and communication are the two pillars of a good relationship, and increasing the levels of them can do wonders for your closeness.