From around the age of four, children get past the tantrum stage. However, if you think that it’s all going to be plain sailing thereafter, you could be wrong! It’s also around this time that many children become more defiant.
Whether it’s a refusal to do chores or finish homework, defiance is your child’s way of learning to become independent. It stems from the fact that your child is beginning to form their own opinions about the world around them. So, for example, instead of refusing blankly, they will question and procrastinate: “You wanted me to tidy my room today?”
It’s all part of growing up
For a parent, it’s all about realising that your child is learning how to assert themselves. All you can do is be patient and set limits. Try to demonstrate that you’re on their side.
Be kind, but firm.
If you don’t set limits, children will naturally try to see how far they can stretch the rules, so be clear when making them. If they continue to break them, sit down and explain why it isn’t acceptable and what disciplinary measures will occur if it happens again.
Encourage their independence.
At the same time, don’t ignore good behaviour. Reward and encourage where appropriate. And if it does come to punishment, try as much as possible to make it positive punishment. If you send the child to their room, give them something to do while they’re there such as a book to read.
Remember, you can’t stop your child from growing up, so gradually allow them to be more independent. Let them make decisions and take control of things that are relevant to their daily routine. For example, show them how to make their bed properly and where their clothes should go. Defiance isn’t always a bad thing. By encouraging their independence, you are helping them to grow into well-formed adults.