Have you ever felt tempted to look through the messages on your partner’s phone? Perhaps your partner often leaves their phone lying around while they are in a different room and you know their password. Or maybe you often hear it beep to signal a new message has arrived and long to know who is contacting them.
If you’re in a strong, stable and loving relationship, it won’t even cross your mind to snoop but if you’re suspicious or struggle to trust your partner, the temptation may be to take a peek. But no matter how tempted you are to check your partner’s phone, there are lots of good reasons why you shouldn’t.
It’s disrespectful
Even in the closest relationships, privacy is important. Just as you should never open somebody else’s post, you should never read their personal messages on a phone. If you don’t respect your partner, you’ll find it hard to believe that they respect you, which is not a good basis for a successful relationship.
It’s hiding issues in your relationship
Why do you want to check your partner’s phone? Is it really just idle curiosity or is there another reason? Perhaps you’re jealous that your partner has other friends or maybe you suspect them of cheating. Wanting to look at their phone is often a sign of other problems that need resolving.
You’ll feel guilty
If you look through your partner’s phone and find nothing out of the ordinary, you’re sure to feel guilty. This can lead to low self-esteem as you begin to question your own judgement and actions.
They’ll find out
No matter how careful you are to cover your tracks, if you regularly check your partner’s phone, they are bound to find out eventually. Perhaps they’ll walk in while you’re snooping or maybe they’ll notice that new messages have been opened.
Most people would feel upset to find their partner is checking up on them and when your partner catches you, it could lead to a series of arguments or even the break-up of your relationship. If you’re ready to challenge them over a particular issue, then perhaps that’s okay but if you love them and don’t want to cause friction in your relationship, you need to resist the temptation to snoop.
It sends the message that spying on each other is okay
Perhaps your partner suspects you’ve looked at their phone but decides not to mention it. The problem now is that you’ve sent the message that there is no privacy within your relationship. Your partner might then assume that it’s okay for them to act the same way and start looking at your phone. Your relationship will then become filled with mistrust and secrets, which is not healthy.
The alternative
So what can you do instead if you’re concerned or suspicious about calls or messages your partner is making or receiving? Well, as with most relationship advice, the answer is communication. Talk to your partner about their day; ask them who they are chatting to. If there’s nothing to be suspicious of, they’ll tell you – and if there is something more sinister going on, you’ll usually be able to tell without resorting to snooping.