Families begin when two people fall in love, and so relationship wellness is intrinsic to family wellness overall. Marriage is not just a relationship with a piece of paper and more jewellery. Tying the knot means living together, day in, day out, and making hundreds of mistakes along the way that can, in the long-run, be costly to your relationship.
The first mistake that several married couples make is discussing everything with their parents. Yes, your parents love you and are concerned for your wellbeing, but when they interfere in your marriage they can actually cause more harm than good. Discussing a couples’ tiff with other members of your family can be really embarrassing for your partner, and so while you might need to consult an outsider for bigger issues, it’s better to solve the little things yourself and not involve anyone else.
Married couples can also make the mistake of prioritising friends and personal space. Whilst both of these things are important, going out with your friends every weekend and leaving your partner at home can be really problematic. You’re not just roommates, you’re married and you should not forget that your partner also needs to spend some time with you. As well as spending time together, you should make sure that you remain intimate with your spouse as much as possible. Engaged couples think that marriage means having sex on tap, but life gets in the way of sex during married life, and so couples need to make the effort.
There are also certain mistakes in communication that married couples often make. Let’s start with respect. This is not the 50s; when you’re married you are equal members of a team, and this means respecting each other and treating your spouse as an equal. Making your partner feel subordinate is not treating them in a loving way, and you both have equal value and parts to play to make this marriage work.
Finally, remember that there is no place for selfishness in a marriage, though this is a common mistake that couples make in the beginning. You are not just a ‘you’ anymore, but a ‘we’ and so you need to think of your partner’s feelings and preferences and not just your own. Marriage should be built on a competition of kindness, and, as W.H. Auden said ‘If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.’
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