Bullying in schools or in social relationships of your children is a reality. It takes many forms — verbal, physical, relational, and now even cyberbullying. Bullying can be disastrous for the social and psychological development of your child.
Bullied children may withdraw, become moody, or show a change in appetite. They may tell you something hurtful that someone said about them and ask you if you think it’s true. There will be mood changes and a shift toward being alone more than usual. In case of physical bullying many children don’t tell their parents when it happens, but possible warning signs are unexplained cuts, scratches or bruises, missing or damaged clothes, or frequent complaints of headaches and stomachaches. Bullying in cyberspace is also a reality today and involves harassing and intimidating someone by spreading mean words, lies, and rumors through e-mails, text messages, and social media posts. If your child spends time online (visiting social media pages or texting) but appears sad and anxious afterwards, there are chances that he or she may be a victim of cyberbullying. If you suspect that your child, whether a girl or a boy, is a victim of bullying in school you, as a parent, are the key to empowering your child to prevent and stop it. Here are the ways to help them deal with it:
Communicate. If you suspect that your child is being bullied, start a casual conversation about what’s going on at school, during lunch or recess, or on the way home. Based on the responses, ask if anyone’s been mean to them. Have an open, ongoing communication with and ensure that your child finds it easy to confide in you. Encourage your child to talk about what happened. Tell your child that reporting the bullying is okay. Assure your child that it is not their fault.
Take the situation seriously. Take the situation seriously but keep your emotions in check in front of the child. Ask them to describe how and when the bullying takes place and who is involved. Find out what your child has done to try to stop the bullying and what has or hasn’t worked. Ask them what would make them feel safe. Let them know that you take their physical and emotional safety seriously.
Document the details. Write down the details of the dates and time of bullying incidents, who was involved, and what specifically happened. Save screenshots, emails and texts. Record the facts as objectively as possible. Keep notes on these meetings. In case the bullying takes place in school, keep in touch with school officials. Be persistent and follow up.
Contact the bully’s parents. This is good only for persistent acts of intimidation, and when you feel that the parents of the offender could be receptive to working in a cooperative manner with you. Call or e-mail them in a non-confrontational way, making it clear that your goal is to resolve the matter together.
Contact the right authorities. If contacting the parents of the bully (or bullies) at school does not work, seek help from your child’s principal, class teacher or the school counsellor. If your child has been physically attacked or otherwise threatened with harm, talk to school officials and tell them that you would call the police unless action is taken.
Help your child improve their social skills. A child who has been bullied can be at greater risk than others of being bullied again. Knowing how to deal with bullying and difficult people not just at school, but throughout life in social situations and at work is a basic life survival skill. Help them find things that make them happy, point out their positive qualities, and make sure they know there are people who love and care about them. This can go a long way in empowering them.
If your child is being bullied via electronic communication, don’t take away their electronic privileges. They might be reluctant to report bullying for fear of having their cellphone or internet access taken away. You could instead:
Discuss cybersafety. Talk to your child about what they can do to be safe online. Encourage them not to respond to the message or image, to save the evidence, to block or delete the sender.
Report the situation. Contact the service providers; they can help you block messages or calls. If the cyberbullying escalates to include threats and sexually explicit messages, it’s time to contact the police.
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