Whether it’s been six years or twenty, it’s natural for our romantic relationships to ebb and flow. But it can be easy to feel like your relationship with your significant other has lost something special. A sense of mystery, of excitement, of novelty.
You probably know almost everything about your partner, from their dislikes to their bathroom habits. But you can still cultivate a healthy and evolving relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. Here are a few tips for rekindling that initial flame:
Try dating again.
Dates are the foundation of any relationship, especially a mature one. If love is a fire, then it requires regular stoking and fuel. If you don’t put any effort in, your love will fizzle out. And we’re not talking just a dinner and a movie. While that’s fine on occassion, you need more excitement than just a generic date. Take a road trip to some hot springs, host a dinner party, go ice skating, take a class together, embark on a new duel hobby, go skinny dipping, go out dancing or to a concert. We’re all busy, but you can make time for the most important person in your life. Schedule a weekly date night if you have to. With just an ounce of creativity, your romantic life will become a whole lot richer and more full.
Unplug and reconnect.
Technology has made it easier to escape from the uncomfortable bits of our relationships than ever before, and that’s not a good thing. Technology acts as a shield that can make you and your partner feel even more distant and disconnected. When was the last time the two of you sat down and had a deep conversation about a topic you’re both passionate about? When was the last time you talked about something other than work, finances, family, stress or what’s for dinner? Shut down distracting cell phones and computers, light a candle, put on some soft music and enjoy each other’s analog company over a warming beverage.
Do some personal journaling.
A lot of relationship issues can stem from issues with our own self-confidence, or lack there-of. It’s important to continue practicing SELF care throughout your relationship, because you can’t be there for others if you aren’t fully there for yourself. Give yourself alone time and get intimate with your own feelings. It takes two whole people to make a successful partnership. If you aren’t whole and comfortable within your own skin, the relationship gets heavily taxed.
Practice forgiveness.
Stop holding grudges against your partner. They are only human, just like you. Remember that they are doing the best they personally can in each moment. By being supportive instead of vindictive, you’ll feel a lot lighter and happier. So they leave the toilet seat up sometimes, or maybe they get their make-up all over the bathroom sink every single morning. Love them in all their flaws. They aren’t such a big deal in the scheme of life. Don’t get me wrong, if your partner has seriously wronged you, don’t stick around. But being bitter about the little things serves no one, especially over the years.
Listen wholeheartedly.
What’s more important, that text message that just buzzed or the story your significant other is telling you? It’s easy to start tuning your partner out after years of relationship. You know what they’re going to say, right? No need to put the effort in. Well, that’s the complete wrong way to look at it. People evolve and change over time. By assuming you know what your loved one is going to say and cutting them off, you are in effect stunting their personal evolution. Give your partner the time and space they need to develop into the person they dream to be. That means doing less interrupting and a whole lot more listening.
Remember what makes your partner happy.
We are only human, so we tend to do what makes ourselves happy, thinking on some subconscious level that our personal feelings must be universal. We know they’re not, but it’s easy to lose track of your partner’s needs when life throws obstacles in your way. Sit down and make a list of everything your partner loves. I find gentle rubbing over my heart chakra and vigorous massages to be soothing, but my partner doesn’t like either of those things. If I try to do those things to him, he cringes. While it’s my instinct to do what makes me happy, I have to stop and remember that I am trying to make him happy, not myself. You probably know your partner as well as you know yourself, so put that knowledge to use if you’ve fallen out of the swing.
Relationships don’t have to fade over time. They just require work, the best kind of work.
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