You know what they say about secrets ruining relationships? Well, they’re actually full of it. While a totally honest relationship might sound wonderful in theory, it’s a terrible idea in practice.
But just as there are certain things you should always withhold from your partner, there are plenty of things they should keep from you, too. In fact, if you’re in a healthy and happy relationship, you can bet that they’re keeping these ten secrets from you right this second. So read on to learn more.
1. They Have a New Goal or Ambition That They Aren’t Ready to Share Yet
Research indicates that there are all kinds of secrets partners keep from each other, and while some are less-than-ideal (cheating, debt, and drug use), many are completely innocuous. For example, a recent study done at Columbia University found that many people keep lofty career or personal aspirations to themselves. In this case, the secrecy isn’t personal, it’s just that they’re not prepared to talk about it yet, probably because they’re still working it out in their own mind—and that’s 100 percent.
2. They Have An “Emergency” Bank Account
It’s one thing for your S.O. or spouse to keep their student debt or sky-high credit card bills from you, but it’s totally another if you’re in a good financial situation and they have a little extra cash stashed away for their own personal use. “Everyone should have a ‘rainy day’ savings that will cover them in case of emergency,” says Karolina Pasko, psychotherapist, and coach. “It’s untouchable and locked. No one needs to know about it.” Including you.
3. What Their Ex Was Really Like
You’ve probably had at least a cursory conversation about your partner’s past relationships—but you might not have the whole story about each and every one of them, and it’s better that way. “One of the biggest client secrets I’ve found is past relationship history,” says Rosalind, and relationship coach. “We may have regrets about how we treated a partner or how we were treated for far too long. These secrets are sometimes better left untold.”
If your partner learned their lesson about what they did or what they shouldn’t put up with, there’s no reason they should have to tell you about it. Of course, if they’re still feeling the emotional impact of their cheating ex and it’s causing them to act jealous or suspicious, that’s a different story. And remember: still feeling hung up on past mistakes and relationships is one of the signs a person should be single.
4. Their Pet Peeves
Especially ones you can’t do anything about, or are small habits that don’t hurt anyone. “There are many couples who don’t share pet peeves that they have,” notes Michael J. Salas, a s*x and relationship expert based in Dallas. “This is usually because they just don’t know how to share it in a constructive way,” he explains. Being told by your partner that they don’t like how you chew, text while watching movies, or use the word “like” too much when you’re talking to your friends isn’t really that helpful. If you can’t stand it any longer, however, conveying your frustration through a movie quote will soften the blow.
5. They “Experimented” In College
On a similar note, that one time they had a threesome or kissed someone of the same s**? Not really a big deal. “S**ual secrets can be relatively harmless if they engaged in activities that they no longer find of interest in their life,” Sedacca explains. “They may have gone through a more promiscuous period in the past and don’t feel comfortable in sharing the details. If it really is past history, there’s no reason to bring it up in a new relationship if they would rather not be reminded of that period in their life.”
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