It’s not a crime to feel that you want more from a relationship. If you are not content, it will reflect on in your behaviour paving the way for arguments to crop up. No two people are the same, and as different individuals, you both are bound to have your own ideas as to how the other person is feeling. You need to handle the issue delicately to put your point across firmly, even at the risk of getting into a disagreement. Don’t wait too long to initiate the conversation, otherwise the problem will only build up further in your head. Here are a few pointers to think of when having the conversation.
Talk without complaining
Remember, it’s a conversation, not a fight. Aggressive behaviour or only a complaining tone might lead to something else, but not a genuine conversation. If you need or want something, it’s best to let him know rather than expect him to be intuitive about it. If you keep waiting for him to guess, you will only be disappointed. Let him know your thoughts, and what it is that you feel is lacking.
Focus on the issue at hand
It is human nature to digress when talking, but it can get even worse when you are not fully satisfied. It can lead to an argument regarding every topic and instance under the sun. There’s a big chance that the issue at hand will be unresolved, and you will only end up in a difficult-to-resolve entanglement, creating further frustration. Be prepared for such digressions, and come back to the issue whenever either goes off-track.
Be honest
In letting him know how you are feeling, make sure you honestly tell him why too. You have to be frank, but not rude. The transparency will strengthen the bond of trust you already share. Also, if you are expecting him to be open about listening to you, the same goes for you. You have to lend him your ear on his needs as well. If you fear that you may be some embarrassing points, make them anyway. That’s what this conversation is for, right?
Avoid portraying yourself as a victim
It is a mode that is easy to get into, coupled with a defensive mechanism, which is bound to create an emotionally negative situation. You are not being wronged, you are simply looking for more. Telling him that he never understands what you need, or how insensitive it is that it hurts you might not lead to a solution. Be positive in what you have to say, and let him know you appreciate him for what he does.
Don’t play blame games
You are not in a court of law where you have to prove yourself right over him. Avoid blaming his actions for everything that doesn’t work. Steer clear of blaming his family or friends, since this conversation is about you both. If you think something has gone awry in the past, let it be in the past. Unfortunately, such conversations are bound to evoke strong emotions. If you want something because you think it is how couples should function, don’t blame him for not knowing how you want it to be.
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