Miscarriages are incredibly painful experiences. Trying to cope with the loss of your unborn child is a difficult time, with emotions ranging from resentment and guilt to shame, anger and sadness. Women often feel responsible and worthless when they miscarry, as well as experiencing the secondary losses of the life you’d planned and the family you’d hoped to build. It can change your ideas on your identity and femininity, and you may feel lonely and isolated. Though it may be offered in abundance, you’ll no doubt feel absent from your partner, feeling as though their grief isn’t the same as your own. Here are some of the best ways to grieve your loss and cope with the reality of your miscarriage.
Recognise that you are mourning
The first step to mourning is to realise that that’s exactly what you’re doing. The bereavement process applies here, so you need to give yourself time to process the emotions you’re feeling and accept them. There is no set time period for doing this – it’s whatever feels right for you. People grieve differently and in different time periods. Let your feelings out, and don’t feel ashamed of them – this is a difficult time, and people will appreciate that. You have every right to cry, mourn and feel sadness. Some women find it helpful to keep a souvenir of their baby, in the form of an angelic statue or pendant to remember them by – others plant a tree or special plant in the garden.
Realise that your thoughts and emotions are normal
There are several emotions which are often attributed to this mourning period, which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Miscarriage can often leave people feeling cheated and angry, as something that they’d hoped for and felt strong emotions for was taken away from them without warning. With denial, you quite simply don’t want to accept the reality of the situation. This stage is usually accompanied by strong emotions – this is a devastating time, especially if you’ve been trying for a long time to get pregnant. Anger is another common emotion, spurred on by the fact that you’re angry at so many aspects of the situation – yourself, the reality, doctors and your partner. If you’re a religious person, you may find yourself bargaining with fate or God – what this stage means is that you want what happened to your and your partner to be a mistake or a dream. You may offer god your prayers, charity or a more devoted faith in return for the situation to be a mistake. Depression, understandably, is a difficult stage but one which is experienced by many people. This can be easy to get stuck in for a long time, particularly if you’ve struggled to have a baby for a long time. However, it is a good sign that you’re moving through the stages of grief as you should. Finally, acceptance allows you to move past the pain and accept the reality. This is a place of peace where you can begin to resume normality in your life. It doesn’t remove the sadness or loss, but does mean that you’ve accepted you can’t change what has happened to you.
Avoid belittling your loss
Miscarriages aren’t commonly recognised in society, so there is no set way of dealing with this form of loss. People may not know how to react to the news, or how to speak to you, because of this. However, you should realise that you did suffer a loss, regardless of what people say. Though the loss is large and devastating, you shouldn’t blame anyone or yourself for the situation. This will only cause harm to you and others around you.
Comments are closed.