If any parent is asked which child is their favourite, they will be likely to declare that they like all their children equally – but is this really the case? Children are people, with personalities, as are parents, and surely some personalities will click better than others? Whilst it is certainly the right thing, for family wellness, to not overtly show favouritism, it is more common than people know for a parent to favour one of their children.
It is very important for your children’s wellbeing that they feel that they are on an equal footing with you. Whilst it is perfectly understandable to devote more time and attention to a newborn or to a child with special needs, children should generally be treated as equal. Even in these special circumstances, extreme care must be taken to ensure that you safeguard your children from feeling ignored otherwise they may develop emotional problems, such as depression, in later life.
Communication is key – ensure that you take time every day to talk to all of your children in order to keep in touch with everything that is important in their lives. Simply talking through their day and hearing about the events that were important to them will make them feel valued. Keeping in touch with their school (if school age) will also help you to understand what is happening in their lives, and be alerted to any behavioural problems to avoid any issues spiralling out of control.
Taking a positive view of your children, celebrating their good qualities and respecting their individual choices rather than disciplining them harshly will also help you to see them all on a more equal footing. Finding common interests with your children can also be particularly bonding, and spending individual time with your children can be a part of this. Family group activities also help to cement the strength of your unit.
If you do feel that your bond with a child is becoming less secure than that with your other children, consider having some counselling to get things back on track.
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