Sex therapists may fall into the bracket of “complementary wellness” but they can prove essential for your wellbeing, both individually and as a couple. But what exactly does a sex therapist do, and how might speaking to one benefit your overall wellness?
1. More confidence (in and out of the bedroom): According to Marne Wine, a licensed professional counsellor and AASECT-certified sex therapist, ‘What people don’t expect from sex therapy is how strong, confident and assertive they become in every area of their lives. Sex therapy is just life playing itself out in the bedroom. Are you willing to be OK with yourself because you don’t know everything or have all the answers? Are you willing to put yourself out there and risk ridicule and failure? Once you learn to do that in the bedroom—naked—you can do it anywhere.’
2. Solving a range of sexual problems: Lynne Kolton Schneider, MA, PhD, a board-certified sex counsellor in private practice, believes that sex therapy can help with everything under the sun. She details, ‘I see people who have difficulties with libido associated with cancer treatments; people who have sexual difficulties and dysfunctions associated with surgical procedures; people who have difficulties with sexual positioning due to physical disabilities; and people who have problems being intimate because they have been sexually abused or raped. I work with couples who haven’t had sex in months, or years, virgins who want their first experiences to be positive and women who have never had an orgasm.’
3. Improving your communication skills: ‘Sex therapy is not always about sexual functioning,’ says Dr. Schneider. ‘It’s probably equally as often about poor communication skills. Much of what I spend my time on concerns teaching patients how to communicate with each other—including how to fight fairly and when to choose to lose a “battle” to win a “war.”
4. Enhancing your (already great) sex life: Even if the sex between the two of you is phenomenal, Isadora Alman, a marriage and family therapist and a board-certified sexologist, argues that sex therapy can still be beneficial. ‘Most people believe that something has to be broken, or that they do, in order to seek sex therapy,’ she says. ‘What I do is more about sexual and emotional enhancement, making things better, than it is about Slot A and Prong B. The most frequent therapeutic outcome of any sex therapy is the relief that comes with being able to talk about sexual feelings, thoughts and fantasies, just putting them out there to be examined.’
5. Saving your marriage: Sybil Keane, a psychologist and mental health expert for JustAnswer.com, comments, ‘When a couple is having troubles with their sex life, a regular marriage counsellor might say, “Well, make time for you two to connect” when it’s way more than just connecting for sex. It won’t help if the desire isn’t there or it just feels like a fake attempt to revive the same old, same old.’ Instead, Keane recommends asking a sex therapist, who ‘can talk way beyond what a regular marriage counsellor can. I believe that most people think that a sex therapist is a last-ditch solution to a marital sexual problem. If more people went to sex therapy before a problem arose, they might not have to seek divorce advice down the road. Although we all like to believe that sex is something that comes naturally, it isn’t.’
6. Learning about your body: Dr. Schneider notes, ‘Sex therapy can involve teaching people about their own body, and about the body of their partner. I have taken out books to show men what the vagina looks like so they know where to insert their penis for vaginal intercourse. Women in particular often don’t know where on their body they feel pleasure, what kind of touch they like, and where and how they like to be touched.’
Comments are closed.