Coming off a pair of excellent seasons playing Tier 2 junior A hockey, Sammy Banga thought he had his immediate future planned out.
The 21-year-old Windsor native had hoped to play at the NCAA Division 1 level but the offers he received weren’t financially viable. In March 2013, he committed to play hockey at the University of Windsor but was cut from the team two weeks into training camp.
“It came as a shock,” he said. “It was right out of nowhere.”
Banga e-mailed a number of university hockey programs and Brock was one of the schools that responded. Andrew Radjenovic, a Brock player and a former teammate of Banga’s with the Markham Waxers, vouched for him with Brock coach Murray Nystrom. Three days later, he drove to St. Catharines.
“I had the next four years of my life set and three days later I’m at Brock, sleeping on a couch with nothing and no idea what was going on and whether or not I would even play on this team.”
Three weeks behind in school and a month in arrears to his teammates on the ice, Banga was clearly skating uphill.
“It was a bit of a slow start for him mostly from a physical conditioning standpoint,” Nystrom said.
Banga’s dream of playing post-secondary hockey was quickly turning into a nightmare.
“I was waiting for my chance to get in the lineup and it wasn’t happening,” the 5-foot-10, 180-pound forward said. “I was thinking that I had come up here and taken a big risk and I wasn’t even playing.”
In early November, he finally got into a game when another player became ill. Thirteen seconds into his shift, he recorded an assist. Banga would finish the year with six goals and 19 points in 18 games. He ended up being named Brock’s rookie of the year.
“He had positioned himself to get in a game and then we couldn’t take him out,” Nystrom said. “He’s a very creative player and he showed it from the first game he played. He earned everything he got this year.”
Unfortunately, Banga’s on-ice success didn’t translate into happiness.
“I had mood swings and while hockey was going good, everything else was going bad,” he said. “I was going through a lot of personal stuff and stress that most students have in their first year.”
There was nowhere to hide.
“When I didn’t want to think about anything, I would just go to sleep and then it would be midday,” Banga said. “I would wake up and start feeling like s— again so I would go back to sleep.”
Things went from bad to worse when the Badgers were eliminated from the playoffs in late February. Banga found himself with too much downtime and no hockey to distract him.
“You think a lot more and you can’t really control it. Sometimes I would be sitting there and nothing would be wrong and I would break down for no reason,” he said.
He chalked it up to a rough patch that others had overcome successfully.
“Then it just kept happening and happening,” he said.
The final straw came one night in early March.
“It kept coming back and it hit me like a big tornado.”
All of his teammates had planned an evening out and the thought of joining them was unthinkable.
“I was sitting there thinking and over-thinking a lot of things that had happened in the past with my life and where I am,” he said.
Before he knew it, he was crying.
“It was really strange. It felt like every other day, but I couldn’t do that to myself any more.”
He realized he had to get help to escape the tailspin his life had become.
“It was hard admitting that to yourself and it’s not the easiest thing to talk about especially as hockey players,” he said. “We’re supposed to be tough and what-not and you’re always afraid to think what the reaction might be from people.”
Thankfully for Banga, he knew someone he could ask for help. That person was Paul Dermody, a former trainer with the Brock men’s hockey team and the vice-president of student services with the Brock student union.
Dermody, who suffers from mild depression and social anxiety, has been an advocate for mental health on campus, including organizing a charity hockey game this year to raise awareness and lend support to those dealing with mental illness.
“I was having a rough night and I messaged him at two in the morning,” Banga said. “I decided I needed help and I wasn’t going to be a hero anymore.”
Dermody recalls his phone buzzing at 2 a.m. and Banga asking him to call him in the morning.
“After I read his message, I assured him things were going to be fine,” Dermody said. “I gave him a list of resources at Brock University and people to contact.
Dermody had loads of empathy for Banga and it wasn’t just because of his own mental health issues. For Dermody, it was once a member of the Brock hockey fraternity, always a member.
“It’s a family aspect and we are always there to support our family no matter what,” he said. “It was a friend reaching out to a friend and a friend reaching back to him.”
Dermody believes Banga’s struggles aren’t uncommon in varsity athletes and the general student population.
“Individuals think they are above these issues but they actually aren’t,” he said. “People have that stigma mental health can only effect certain people, but it can effect anybody.”
“The biggest message I gave to Sammy is that it’s OK to reach out and to feel hurt.”
Banga has been diagnosed with dysthymia, a mood disorder similar to depression but less severe and with longer lasting symptoms. He had been going to counselling once a week and he said it feels good just to talk to someone
about it.
“You might not get fully cured ever, but there’s a lot of stuff you can do to get better,” Banga said.
Prior to his interview with QMI Agency Niagara, Banga had told only two people about his struggles; Dermody and a friend back in Windsor. His talking about it is a mental health pay it forward. He was inspired by Dermody’s advocacy and is hoping to do the same.
“It’s a good message,” Banga said. “Especially as a hockey player, it’s good to let people know that it’s OK and there’s always someone to talk to if you need help.
“There’s always people that do care and they will help you out of situations you can’t handle yourself.”
Dermody applauds Banga’s courage.
“I told Sammy the biggest step is to come forward and discuss it,” he said. “Most people live in the dark with it their whole life and don’t say a word.
“Sammy took the biggest leap of faith when he did that and he’s very courageous.”
Dermody’s own leap of faith came gradually.
“I felt I got more by talking about my problem with others. I was able to let go of some of those demons and the pain started going away as soon as I started talking about it.”
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