For children the death of a pet can often be the first time that they have had to deal with the pain of bereavement. To a child, a pet is often much more than just an animal – it can also be a friend and a companion. So when a pet dies, it’s often a very sad and even stressful time for children. It’s therefore important to help children deal with their grief.
When approached in the right way, the death of a pet can actually provide a positive learning experience for children and will help them to deal with difficult times in the future.
Breaking the News
When you tell a child that a pet has died, it’s always best to tell the truth. Don’t be tempted to say that the dog has gone to live elsewhere or the cat has run away. Be honest but break the news gently. Of course, how you choose to tell your child will depend largely on their age.
If your pet has been ill for a while then you can help children prepare for the pet’s death in advance so that it is not such a shock when your pet finally passes away.
If the vet has to put a pet down, children may be angry with their parents for letting this happen, particularly if they believed that the pet was going to recover. If your pet has been euthanized, explain to children that it was the most peaceful way to go and helped avoid further pain or suffering for your pet.
Answer their Questions
The death of a pet can often lead to a series of big questions from children. They may ask where the pet is now, or even ask what happens after a human dies. Answer the questions as honestly as you can, again taking your child’s age into consideration. The answers you give will depend largely on your own faith and beliefs but if you are not sure, it’s okay to say ‘I don’t know’. The idea of an after-life can be reassuring for younger children but if it’s not a concept you are comfortable with, you can always explain that different people believe different things.
Hold a Ceremony
Whilst it’s not always possible to hold a burial for a pet, children may still benefit from holding a ceremony for a pet that has passed away. Indeed, this can be a useful part of the grieving process for adults too. Allowing family members to say a few words about what the pet meant to them can be therapeutic and helps kids to put into the words the complex feelings that they are experiencing. You could bury one of your pet’s favourite toys or plant a small tree or flower to celebrate the life of your pet.
Don’t Rush to Replace a Pet
While you may feel that the quickest way to help children get over the death of a pet is to find a replacement, it’s usually best to wait a few weeks before suggesting this. Children can be fiercely loyal to their pets and may feel that you don’t care if you suggest a replacement too soon.
If you’re struggling to deal with the death of a pet, the Blue Cross charity offers a bereavement support line: www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html
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