Should I Tell My Partner about My Affair?

Many extra-marital affairs come to light when a husband or wife finds out about their partner’s infidelity. But if you’ve had an affair and it’s ended naturally without your partner finding out, should you be honest and admit the truth?

Yes – Joy
If you’ve had an affair but still love your husband or wife, you owe it to them to be honest. Marriages are about trust and truthfulness and if you keep this to yourself, it will eventually destroy your marriage. Even if you think you can keep your indiscretion a secret indefinitely, you will still know the truth and it will inevitably change your attitude and behaviour towards your partner.

You can’t be sure that your partner won’t one day find out about the affair. What if a friend or the person you had an affair with contacts them some time in the future to tell them what went on? It would be much fairer for them to hear the truth from you now, rather than find out at a later date. And people don’t have affairs for no reason. If you had an affair it probably means that there is a problem in your marriage that needs addressing. This is another reason to talk honestly with your partner. Admit to the affair and try exploring the reasons why you were unfaithful. You may even want to seek relationship counselling from a third-party.

Ultimately, although it is difficult in the short-term, admitting to having had an affair will lead to a more honest and positive relationship between you and your partner. With hard work and trust, telling the truth about an affair doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship.

No – Thomas
Many people have affairs for lots of different reasons. It doesn’t always have to be a big deal – it could just be a short fling, or an office romance that doesn’t really mean anything. If you’ve been lucky enough to end the affair without being found out then the best thing to do is keep quiet and get on with the rest of your life.

Quite often, people admit to having had an affair, not out of any sense of duty to their partner but simply because they don’t like living with guilt. This isn’t fair on your partner – why should you burden them with your mistakes just because you are feeling uncomfortable? Instead you need to come to terms with what you did, resolve not to do it again and then move on.

If you do choose to tell your partner about your affair, you can never backtrack and get your marriage back to how it was before. Once an affair is known about, your marriage will change for ever. You may even find yourself facing separation or divorce. Even if in your eyes the affair was nothing serious; it’s unlikely that your partner will see it that way. It’s better just to keep quiet and learn from your mistake.

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