Recent research has shown that parents who push their children into doing things may be damaging their self-esteem and wellbeing. This type of parenting is often referred to by the modern term ‘helicopter parenting’ in a reflection of the way the parents hover over the child at all times, overseeing everything that they are doing and not allowing them the space to be independent and to accomplish things on their own.
The study, carried out at the University of Missouri, has shown that this type of parenting is often resented by children, who value the opportunity to make their own choices in life, particularly about how to behave in play situations.
As part of the study, the team looked at videos which showed children playing with their mothers. Over 2,000 children were involved in the study, and were videoed playing at age one, two, three and then one final time just before they started school.
It was observed that some of the mothers in these situations directed the play, stifling their child’s ability to make decisions and to set the pace of the game. They also corrected their child’s decisions during the play, which can stifle creativity, for example not allowing them to touch a ‘hot’ oven on a pretend kitchen.
These mothers have the best of intentions but may actually be doing damage, as their children find their interfering difficult to understand and try to avoid spending time with them as they find the contact less enjoyable.
The study also pointed out that if a parent is also loving and caring as well as bossy, they can cancel out some of the negative effects of the controlling behaviour. This shows children that their mothers care about them and they connect this with the bossiness, as they understand that it is purely out of concern for their happiness and for family wellness that their mothers appear to hover over them all the time.
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