Divorce can take its toll on family wellness, as well as your personal wellbeing. It is a time of stress and hurt that means you aren’t thinking with your brain, but your heart and this can cause some dangerous complications.
The first mistake that people tend to make is refusing to throw in the towel. Yes, you should make every attempt to save your marriage, whether that involves couples’ counselling or trying to re-engage in romance. However, it takes two to make a marriage work and if your partner insists on the divorce, and refuses to try and make things work, then its better for everyone’s psychological and emotional wellness to let go – you just can’t do it alone.
After spending so many years with another person in your life, it can be hard not to give in to withdrawal pains. It’s hard to move on, and start a new life without the person that’s always been there, and so a mistake people make is sending constant e-mails, texts, or make repeated phone calls to their ex. While you don’t intend to harass your former spouse, they, and the courts, may see it that way.
Next, a lot of people medicate during the divorce process, not with alcohol or drugs, but with dating and sex. Whether divorce makes you feel lonely or liberated, dating too early is a bad idea as you are experiencing too many emotions, and that new person will most likely be collateral damage. Making decisions while you are in a state of emotional imbalance may even put your emotional wellbeing in even more peril.
Putting the kids in the middle is, perhaps most unfortunately of all, another common mistake that gets made. It’s natural to want someone on your side, but when you bad mouth the other parent or make it difficult for them to see the children, you’re dragging your kids into the middle of the divorce conflict and no one wins. Your kids, more than your ex, are the ones who suffer, experiencing everything from parental alienation to depression and anger.
Neglecting to get help is the last mistake on this list. Divorce doesn’t have to be a dirty word, and the reason it’s so difficult is that you are unprepared for the tsunami of stress and emotion that comes along with it. Though not paying attention to how your kids are feeling is a mistake, putting too much premium on their or other people’s feelings, and not enough on your own, is another one. To avoid or reduce the emotional anguish of divorce, you need to ensure that you consult a professional, or even open up to a close friend.
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