You would think that, the more children you have, the more your emotional wellness may suffer. Another mouth to feed and person who craves your attention would logically have you spread too thin, with family wellness suffering as a result, right? According to a new study of 7,164 US mothers, this is not the case.
According to the Today.com survey, mothers who have three children are the most stressed out – even more so than those who have four. When parents transition from two to three children they are outnumbered, but mothers tend to ‘let go’ once they reach four children. New York-based psychiatrist Dr Janet Taylor, who has four children, explains ‘there’s just not enough space in your head’ to stress about perfection once you have at least four children. She adds, ‘The more children you have, the more confident you become in your parenting abilities. You have to let go.’
Jill Smokler, 35, is a mother of three children, as well as the author of Motherhood Comes Naturally (And Other Vicious Lies). She commented, ‘Going from one to two was an easy, breezy transition. Two to three, everything was turned upside-down.’ Smokler noted that ‘You only have two hands!’ and so something as simple as not having enough hands to hold onto each of them while crossing the street can be a cause of extreme stress.
The survey found that, on average, the average mother rated her stress level as a whopping 8.5 on a scale of one to ten, but 75% of mums said that they stress more about the pressure they put on themselves rather than the pressure felt from others, and 72% reported that they often get stressed out about stress itself. However, 50-year-old Karen Hobert Flynn, from Middletown, Connecticut, noted that going from three to four children taught her to find ways to unwind by herself, which is something that mums often don’t make time for.
‘Instead of making the perfect lunch for your kids, go for a walk by yourself,’ she advises. ‘Even if it’s just ten minutes, take some deep breaths and focus on what you need.’ She noted that having four children has its particular perks, such as the fact that with an even number, each child has an automatic playmate. Hobert Flynn added, ‘We have a critical mass. Kids in the neighbourhood would want to come here because it’s an immediate party.’
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