“He never shows me he loves me anymore!”
“We’re just going through the motions.”
“There’s no connection.”
“The intimacy’s gone.”
“He never buys me flowers or takes me out any more.”
“We never hug or cuddle anymore.”
“We hardly ever talk.”
Have you ever heard or felt any of these about relationships? If you have you’re certainly not alone. Almost every couple seems to go through this and there’s a specific reason for it.
Whenever people talk about relationships and ‘true love’ they focus on how utterly all-encompassing it is. It consumes them. They are fascinated by their partner. They can’t wait to see each other again. They will text or talk on the phone for hours. Not to mention the cuddles and the sex.
So what goes wrong? Why is it that after you’ve lived together for a while that the spark seems to fade? Well it all boils down to which of the three main Love Intelligences is your strongest.
Love intelligence is the behaviour that lets you know you’re loved. To find yours, answer this simple question. ‘How do you know that you are loved by someone else?’
To know that you are totally loved, is it absolutely essential for you to…
a) Be given ‘the Look’ where you see in his/her face that you’re the one for them?
Or
b) That they speak to you in that special tone of voice or say those special words?
Or
c) That you are held or touched in a certain way or in a certain place?
If you answered A then you have a VISUAL love intelligence. You need to SEE that they love you. You need to be SHOWN love. You love to be bought little presents or have your partner shows you love by doing things for you.
If you answered B then you have a TONAL or auditory love intelligence. You need to HEAR or be TOLD that you’re loved. You love to talk and listen and be heard too.
If you answered C then you have a KINAESTHETIC love intelligence. You need to FEEL them loving you through physical touch. You love cuddles, snuggles and hugs and holding hands.
Remember no one Love Intelligence is better or worse than another, and most people like all of them but have one that is essential to know they’re loved. Nor do you have to have the same intelligence for you to be compatible and have a wonderful relationship. But what happens is that in the first flush of a relationship we all tend to do ALL of them. You’ll gaze into each other’s eyes. You’ll phone, and message each other, and talk for hours. And of course, there’s usually a lot of sex in the beginning of a relationship.
But as you get more comfortable with each other and more secure in the relationship, what happens is people tend to revert to their own deep love intelligence. So, as life takes over, that intense period at the beginning of a relationship starts to settle down and each person will tend to try and meet the other person’s Love Intelligence, by doing their OWN.
So you might get one partner with Tonal Love Intelligence telling their partner they love them, but if theirs is Visual, they need you to show it. Or the person who keeps buying their partner gifts, when all they want is a hug. The result – both parties end up feeling unloved.
That’s why you hear her say, “He doesn’t love me because he never buys me flowers.” And he might say, “What do you mean I don’t love you? I told you just this morning I loved you.” But for her, she needs to be shown not told.
Knowing your partners Love Intelligence makes it easy to keep your love alive, but even better is to just do ALL THREE! Every so often show him, tell him, or make him feel your love for him. You’ll be amazed at the effect it has.
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