Here are a few tips on how to put the past behind you and move forward after abuse.
Let go of shame and reclaim your power Shame and guilt are powerfully destructive emotions and can even lead to long term health problems. Shame is the result of self-judgment. Each day make a conscious effort to relax shame and guilt away, by simply being the non-judgemental witness. Harbouring emotions like anger, resentment and especially fear, will give him/her power over you. To reclaim your power release their emotional hold over you and the painful emotions triggered by memories of past events. Complete indifference is true power.
Get support from friends and family In almost every case the abuser will have deliberately isolated his victim from their friends or family. They do this with antisocial and embarrassing behaviour around your friends and family, emotional blackmail, jealousy or simply not allowing you to speak to, or visit friends. This means you lose that vital support network of your friends and family. Use any means you can to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Your community and its support is vital to your recovery.
Refuse to be defined by what happened Don’t make it part of your identity. It is something that happened, not something that you are. Everyone makes bad choices in their life. For example, I’m sure you that you once wore a really bad outfit. Just as you wouldn’t define yourself as a ‘bad dresser’ because of one bad outfit, so don’t define yourself as a victim just because you were in an abusive relationship.
Do something empowering Kick-start your recovery by doing something positive and empowering. Anything that gives you a sense of achievement and inner satisfaction is perfect. Set yourself small challenges at first and then move on to bigger ones. Nothing moves you from Victim, through Survivor to a full blown Thriver, more quickly than achieving things on your own merit.
Get physically healthy and strong Nurture, love and take care of your physical body. Start exercising and eating healthier foods. Increasing your physical strength and health will have a knock-on effect on your emotional wellbeing. It will increase your inner strength too.
Don’t blame yourself It was not your fault. You’ve probably heard this time and again, but all too often the victims of abuse still blame themselves. Abusers are masters of mind control and manipulation. He/she used psychological abuse or even physical. Don’t fall for it. Don’t believe it. It was not your fault. You are not to blame. And you can and will recover fully.
Call for spiritual support If you have a religious faith you might like to restore your connection with that again. If religions don’t attract you then consider finding and cultivating your own personal connection to a higher power. If you don’t feel a spiritual connection it’s worth developing one. Few would deny the need for humans to have a spiritual connection and for those recovering from abuse it is essential. There is nothing more powerful than calling on the support of God and drawing strength from a higher power.
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