Breakups are never easy, are at times messy and sometimes downright traumatic – both to you if you are walking away and to the one you have walked away from. However, in life, at times, they are necessary and both of you need to move forward because what worked for you in the past is no longer working out. Some people have an easy time letting go but if you are not one of them, here are a couple of ways in which you can break up and still remain emotionally healthy:
Be sure. Don’t hurt them more than you have to. It’s hard to leave the comfort zone of a relationship you’ve settled in. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. But when you do decide to move away, make sure it’s for real, or you will keep hurting them. Even if your relationship is over, this is a person you have loved and so don’t prolong the agony.
Be direct. Don’t find sneaky ways of leaving them. Your relationship deserves your respect. It’s best to be direct and speak out your decision. If a face-to-face talk is not possible, if a telephone conversation is going to end up in a screaming match, writing is the next best option. Don’t disappear on them till they are frustrated in their attempts to connect with you only to realise that you have walked out on them. No one, unless they have been particularly bad to you, deserves this.
Expect to be criticised and blamed. The one who is left behind is going to be naturally hurt, so is their self-esteem. If you are walking out, you seem like the perpetrator and they like a victim, no matter how valid your reasons for the breakup. Be prepared to be criticised and blamed by the one left behind as also mutual friends. Sympathy is going to be on their side, no matter what.
Find support and change communication habits: If you are too used to talking, texting or mailing them for long, it might get tough on you because of sheer force of habit. Try talking or writing to other people – friends, parents, siblings – till you feel better grounded. Be with those who respect your decision and extend their support.
Mourn. You have lost something that you once shared with someone and it’s reason enough to mourn. It’s perfectly normal to grieve over the death of your relationship. You might be overcome with sadness, irritability and guilt. But once that phase is over, you will move towards healing.
Keep away. Make sure you have no contact with the person you left. At times it could be difficult, especially if you frequent the same places, or work in the same office, but not talking and being polite and low key around them would go a long way in helping you get them out of your mind. You could have a setback or two but remain firm. Take down the pictures and delete their number. Give both of you time. They will live, both of you will heal, and eventually move on.
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