You’ve heard the phrase ‘been there, done that, got the T-shirt’, but many women that I’ve worked with over the years have realised, to their horror, that in fact they’ve got the wrong T-shirt.
They’ve followed the rules and ticked all the boxes they thought would make them happy, but they are not. The realisation is quite a devastating moment.
I shall never forget my moment – I drove my new car up the hill above my thatched cottage and looked down on all that I had achieved – the house, the car, the job, the holidays, the ‘stuff’ and realised that it held no meaning for me. So, I packed two suitcases and left – not something I advise my clients to do!
But how do you change your life when all the plans you thought were going to make you happy suddenly seem empty? And why do we make that mistake in the first place? Well firstly – if this is you – you did not make a mistake. Nothing you do in your life is a mistake. Right now that might not feel like it, but every decision you have made, and every action you have taken, you have done to the best of your ability. If you can get your head around that concept, then you can stop giving yourself a hard time and free up all your thinking and energy to discovering what the right t-shirt does look like.
In Neuro Linguistic Programming – the science of how the mind works – there is a premise that we all do the best we can in any one moment in time, even if when we look back we think we didn’t. At any specific moment of time you did your best. I don’t know anyone who gets up in the morning and decides to do their worst. So, no mistakes. However, even if you made no mistakes, you’ve still found yourself at the place where you’re living what outwardly may seem like a very successful life, but it holds no meaning for you. If it is not a mistake then why are you at that point? Because as you grow up you absorb and learn what success looks like. Do this and you’ll be happy. Tick that box and you’ll feel good about yourself. And for some that may work. But one size does not fit all in life – you’re unique and individual. You may be the person for whom this does not fit. And if this is the case then my book was written for you.
It can be a lonely place when you realise that to be happy, fulfilled and have a life full of meaning, you need to create some major change. Just knowing that others have walked that path before you helps, as does having a well-trodden path. It is possible to get the Right T-Shirt but it takes courage, determination and patience. And I’ve seen, again and again, that amazing moment when life changes and you finally get clear on what the Right T-Shirt is for you.
Five Tips to help you get the Right T-Shirt
If you feel as though you’ve been there, done that, but ended up with the wrong T-Shirt, here are a few tips to help you get the right T-Shirt and live a more fulfilling life…
- Drop the ‘shoulds’ How many times a day do give yourself a hard time over the ‘shoulds’ in your mind without even questioning them?
‘I should eat better’.
‘I should exercise’.
‘I should go visit my parents’.
‘I should be nicer to my partner’.
‘I should have found a new career by now’.
There’s that persistent voice in the back of your head – should, should, should. Have you ever thought to question it? Have you ever asked back ‘Is that true?’ Question your shoulds. Make them a choice rather than an imposition. Then, if you truly want to do it then you will do it with a light heart and a generous mind. - Your life journey is unique to you Just because someone else chooses a different path, doesn’t make yours wrong. If you are looking at making new choices in your life, the worst thing you can do is to start comparing yourself to others. Your life is yours, it is unique to you and it does not matter if you want to live differently from those around you. Just as their choices do not make them wrong – yours do not make you wrong.
- Your life is not a rehearsal Imagine you are at the end of your life looking back over all that you have done. Are you happy with your life or are you full of regrets? If you’re full of regrets then this is your wake up call – don’t wait for tomorrow to put that change you want in place. That tomorrow is always sometime in the future. Something that ‘one day’ you will do. Problem is, that one day never comes. You stay wrapped up in your busy life and your dream stays out there in front of you. Get going – now!
- Learn to question your thoughts and beliefs Has anyone ever told you that you do not have to believe your own thoughts? That beliefs are just thoughts that you have thought a lot, so much so that they have become the transparent glasses through which you see the world? Well, it’s true. What’s so good about this is that it means you can change them. Write out all the beliefs you have about yourself and the world that are stopping you getting on with the life that you want. Then look at them all and ask yourself – where or from whom did I pick that up? Then ask yourself does it actually serve me or hinder me? And do I want to believe that any more? You can change your world by changing your beliefs.
- Don’t try to do stuff – intend to do it Last, but by no means least – never try to do things. Just do them. ‘Try’ has a built in excuse ‘I tried but I couldn’t’. Always set an intention to achieve your goals. Be really clear on what outcome you want, and by when, and revisit it every day – see it happening. That one shift will get your subconscious mind on your side – and that’s powerful.
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