Why Emotions Can Trigger Painful Relationships

Why do you feel anger, hurt and sadness? What’s the point of emotional pain?

You feel physical pain to tell you that something needs attention, and emotional pain has the same purpose. It tells you that something isn’t right. It comes about as a result of the difference between what you desire inside, and what you actually experience outside.

A painful emotion is the tension you feel when there’s a difference between what you want, and what you have. For example, if you have a need to be acknowledged or listened to, and in your relationship you don’t feel you are getting that, you will feel this difference as a painful emotion. This difference between what you want, (or need) and what you receive creates a gap or a tension. It’s this tension that you feel as a painful emotion.

You might have different labels for that emotion – you might feel anger, hurt or even sadness. Whatever the label, the cause is the same. It’s the difference between what you want, and what you get.

According to many philosophies, there is really only one emotion – the emotion of Love. Anything else you feel is resistance to love or the absence, or even withholding of love. Think of love as an energy that flows through you and if that flow is blocked, either from coming in to you or from leaving you, you will feel it as emotion. The word Emotion breaks down into E (energy) and motion (movement), so it is literally the movement of energy.

When you feel a negative emotion, what you actually feel as pain is the resistance to love. Those feelings inside are the result of your inner resistance to love. The label you give to a painful emotion refers to the way in which love is being removed from you, or resisted. For example, when you feel sad, that feeling comes from the loss of something or someone you love.

  • Anger is the feeling that you were denied love.
  • Fear is the feeling that you will lose love.
  • Hurt is the feeling that another withheld love, or rejected your love.
  • Guilt is the feeling that you didn’t give or show enough love.

When love flows freely the feeling is good. When you don’t feel love being given and you want it, you feel it as pain.

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