How To Deal With Secret Saboteurs

Whether you’re trying to lose weight or attempting to kick a bad habit such as smoking or drinking alcohol or when you’re making big changes in your life, you need the support of your friends. But sometimes it may feel that your close friends are actually sabotaging your efforts to improve your life.

It feels hurtful when your friends are not supportive of the changes you are trying to make. Perhaps your friend tries to ruin your healthy diet by tempting you with cakes and biscuits. Or maybe they convince you to have an extra glass of wine, when they know you’re trying to cut down. Or maybe they undermine your efforts to quit by offering a cigarette.

If you find your friends do not support your efforts to change your lifestyle, it may be because they have insecurities of their own. Perhaps your new resolutions are holding up a mirror to their own bad habits. Or maybe they are worried that they will lose you as a friend if you make drastic changes in your life. Sometimes, they may simply be jealous of your new improved lifestyle and this is why they try to sabotage your efforts.

You may feel tempted to give in to appease your friend – for example by accepting that extra glass of wine, or slice of cake – but if you’re serious about making changes in your life, this is just another hurdle that’s worth overcoming. If your pal is a true friend, they will find a way to support you. If you suspect that they are feeling insecure about your new lifestyle, sit down and reassure them that you are still there for them and are not going to change overnight.

Spend quality time with your friend so that they can see that you still value the friendship, but consider changing your routine so they can’t tempt you with bad habits. For instance, if you always used to meet at the pub, you could suggest going to the cinema instead so they can’t encourage you to drink.

If you’ve identified that your friend is jealous because you are making the changes that they wish they could incorporate into their own life, encourage them to join you. For example, if they are envious that you are losing weight, suggest they join you for an exercise session or offer to share your diet tips. You may find they are reluctant at first but, in time, they may decide to join you.

If, despite your best efforts to explain and provide support, your friend still continues to sabotage you, ask yourself whether they are such a good friend after all. You may decide to distance yourself while you work on the goals you’ve set for yourself. Hopefully, once they see how happy you are when you’ve achieved them, your friendship can continue as before.

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