We’re so impatient nowadays. I think our ‘always online’ culture is to blame. We want everything, if not yesterday, then, at the very least, right now. This attitude is carried over into our relationships and everyday interactions. Here’s why we need to re-learn the lost art of conversation and how to get started.
Conversations are often more about two people volleying their opinions over and at one another than they are about sharing ideas. We don’t listen to one another anymore. We can’t, because we’re too busy formulating the next thing we want to say.
When our impatience gets the better of us we’ll even finish each other’s sentences in an effort to get the conversation back to us. Sometimes we’ll just flat out interrupt the person we’re speaking with. We don’t even notice we’re doing this, it’s just how we’ve evolved over time.
Mastering the Art of Listening
We’re so impatient nowadays. I think our ‘always online’ culture is to blame. We want everything, if not yesterday, then, at the very least, right now. This attitude is carried over into our relationships and everyday interactions. Here’s why we need to re-learn the lost art of conversation and how to get started.
Conversations are often more about two people volleying their opinions over and at one another than they are about sharing ideas. We don’t listen to one another anymore. We can’t, because we’re too busy formulating the next thing we want to say.
When our impatience gets the better of us we’ll even finish each other’s sentences in an effort to get the conversation back to us. Sometimes we’ll just flat out interrupt the person we’re speaking with. We don’t even notice we’re doing this, it’s just how we’ve evolved over time.
Mastering the Art of Listening
Building good relationships begins with mastering the art of effective listening. Listening is about more than just hearing, it’s about being fully present and really taking on-board what the other person is saying. You need to pay attention, maintain eye contact, keep an open mind and ask questions that are on topic.
How to Speak So That People Want to Listen
Along with listening well, you also need to focus on honing your conversation skills. In his TEDx talk How to Speak So That People Want to Listen, Julian Treasure offers tips on how to speak in a way that captures and holds people’s attention.
Julian says there are some habits you need to move away from if you’re to have any hope of being heard. He calls them the seven deadly sins of speaking. Avoid those and you’re already ahead of the game.
- Gossip
- Judging
- Negativity
- Complaining
- Excuses
- Lying
- Dogmatism
However, if you really want to knock it out the park the next time you’re having a conversation, Julian offers four ways you can make your speech powerful and inspire change in the world at the same time. (They spell out the word ‘HAIL’ so they’re also easy to remember.)
- Honesty: be clear and straight
- Authenticity: be yourself
- Integrity: be your word
- Love: wish them well
It’s Not Just What You Say, It’s How You Say It
Finally, Julian ends off with some really useful advice for using your voice to ensure your words land. It’s doesn’t matter how valuable the message is, if it’s delivered in a way that’s hard to hear or understand, people aren’t going to listen.
From register and timbre to prosody and pace, the different aspects of delivery will either draw people closer or have them running for the hills. Fortunately, as Julian points out, all of these can be learned and improved upon through posture, exercises and voice coaching.
“What would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously and consuming sound consciously and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that does sound beautiful and one where understanding would be the norm.” —Julian Treasure
Imagine if we all committed to taking a minimalist approach to conversation and only shared information that was useful and uplifting, people would be naturally inclined to listen more.
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